Walmart flowers and an email

I know it has been a while since I have posted something on this blog... I could blame it on organizing my house... not exactly true since progress has been made but more things have just been transferred and not organized. I don't mean to be ungrateful for the tender mercies that we receive daily and I don't mean to discount the many blessings that we receive. I think that I had fallen into a sort of mode on cruise control where I just go and forget to look and then wonder where has everything gone. Everyday has been a mixture of emotions for me lately andI feel that I am forcing myself to keep searching for the tender mercies.

But one thing that I have been strongly reminded of today is that our Father in Heaven has a very intricate plan for every one of us. It is so well crafted that he can individually bless us and help strengthen us through allowing us to serve and help others.

This is the truth I know... When we serve others we will not be left empty handed with the blessings that we need. It may be materially or spiritually but He will bless us when we forget ourselves and honestly ask Him in prayer who we can serve today and who needs a helping hand. It saddens me that when I know that families are going through hard times they shut their doors and close there hearts to the needs of others even when the others may not be in such terrible need. Perfect example of this is in the Bible of the widow and Elijah ( I believe... forgive me if I am wrong...) as she used the last of her cornmeal to feed him when she herself and her son were preparing to die from lack of food. It was a great sacrifice for her to make this decision, but she was blessed for her willingness to serve.

Likewise, my family has been so blessed for our willingness to give of our time, food, home, talents, service, or whatever else we have that would be of benefit to others. I think mostly what it is is that we are willing to do what is asked of us. I know that I have on several occasions these past few months been trying to forget my trials and worries by concentrating on what I can do for others and random thoughts have popped into my head of somebody who might need something randomly done for them.
Example: I have a friend who went through a very hard time and as I was preparing to go to bed late one Saturday night I felt that I needed to write her an email and let her know just how special she was and that she is not alone in the trial and that she was not being punished by any means, more that they are choice people and someone that their Father in Heaven could trust to handle such a trial. She later confided in me that she had been up late that night unable to sleep for the hurt she was going through and read my email right then....and it brought comfort.
Example: I have a friend who baked a yummy loaf of holiday bread...(I am not sure exactly what kind it was, but never the less it was gone within the day.) ...left it on our door step and with a note saying thank you for your friendship...Merry Christmas. That came right at a time when I really needed to know that I was noticed.
Example: I was shopping in Walmart and had been thinking about a friend I knew that was going through a hard time in her life. (preface to this... this friend is an example to me of a wonder woman. Not only is she talented in keeping a house tidy, she is crafty, hard working and a wonderful mother to her kids.) The thought came you need to take her some flowers. I thought, "that would be embarassing. She's probably fine." But what did I happen to stumble across but the flowers. I picked out the ones I thought she would like and hurried to the checkout before I could chicken out. As I drove home I kind of forgot that I was going over there and as I drove in my driveway the thought came, "You need to go over now." I thought... The kids are crying and diapers are soaked... I well later." Stronger, I felt... "Go now." As I knocked on her door, my heart was pumping hard and I was nervous for some reason. Who just brings flowers to a friend that she really doesn't know that well? She opened the door slowly and just looked. I handed her the flowers and told her I thought she could use them and she hugged me and thanked me with tears in her eyes and closed the door. I had no idea what she was going through or what was happening in her life. Weeks later I found out that almost at that moment I had knocked she was having a very difficult time and her Father in Heaven knew that and used one of His other daughters to try and help her remember of the love that He has for her.
Example: We have a miracle happening in the Stewart family this next week. All of the Stewart kids and family well be in the temple at the same time for a sister's sealing. (Not to mention all 25+ well be gathered together under one roof! That alone is a feat!) There have been trials in each one of the lives of the members of this family. Some hard, some devastating, some on going. But the one thing that I know that they all have in common which has lead them to this great blessing is that they have all worked very hard at serving one another and would take the shirt off of their backs for anyone... (well just about.) As this goal of all of us being in the temple gets closer I know that we will all be tried: in patience, love, and understanding. But, what will get us all through it is that we serve one another. That will be the constant to their success in overcoming the adversity that has worked for so hard for so many years to keep this one day from happening.
I really could go on for a quite a while longer about the affects of service and the change of perspective it gives to ones lowly state of being. I honestly believe that if we are truely willing to do the will of the Lord, we will be inspired to help the very people that need it the most. Most often that person becomes ourelves and we are eternally indebt.

Blinded by flat tires

As I sit here next to my snoozing husband on the living room floor to worked up to sleep and to tired to clean more, I decided to materialize my thoughts of the past couple weeks and these past couple days especially. It has been a subject that has surfaces multiple times in many different areas in my life... with various friends, facebook, church, work, etc. Each and every one of the situations is completly different but connected by this one question. Why does God let bad things happen to good people? This alone I have found is the main reason for atheism and a number one reason for anybody to feel like they are not loved by their Father in Heaven... me included. (Not that those feelings last but a lickety split second, but I am a person... natural man of sorts.) I have been wondering why I haven't been seeing many tender mercies or feeling very blessed these past few days. On Sunday I realized I was supposed to do a play group that I had signed up to do at least a month ago... Ten oclock on Sunday night after arriving home from visiting my parents a friend reminded me that I had... House was a disaster. I proceeded to stay up til 2:30 to clean that morning. Playgroup was fun, house was cleaner... and I still had time to go get some work done. As I pull out of the place where we buy our bark, I notice my tire with four distinct sides and flat as a board. Great, I thought. Just then a truck full of a father and son pulled up and they offered to help. But, I had no spare and I was going to have to buy a new tire which meant dropping my trailer and getting the tire and finally at 9pm that night we were able to head back out and put the tire back on and drag the trailer home. Oh and just after I got home the missionaries show up and they are ready to put their food in the fridge/lunch area we said the could have downstairs... which was still completely full of our storage and food storage. Three hungry babies were clinging to me crying for food and the missionaries wanted to clean up downstairs? ahhh! They moved things around and tidied up a bit. I thought, this is my good dead for the day... tomorrow should go better.
So today I wake up with a "this is going to be a productive day" feeling and then all of a sudden as we are working I get the phone call. The truck is broke down on the freeway and won't start. We are down to only this one truck for our business and depend entirely on it for all of our work abilities. If that truck goes we are in trouble. As we get the truck towed we discover he is going to charge us $100 for towing the trailer with the truck... Not going to happen. Can't afford that. James did some quick thinking and just down the road is his friend's car dealership. He asked a favor and all of a sudden we are loaded up in a new truck pulling our trailer home. On a good note also we were able to get to reffing volleyball and driving school bus and have the kids dropped off and it all worked out. Now after being up working all day James has a paper due tomorrow and cannot for the life of him keep his eyes open. I feel guilty because he is exhausted and is working hard so I highlight his reading assignment according to the different questions he has... I show it to him and he can muster a thanks and back to sleep it is. Which brings me to the past hour of me cleaning the house trying to get adrenaline out of my head to be able to sleep and I wonder... why is this so hard? I know exactly what the scriptures say, we are given trials so that we are made to remember Him and repent and be humble. But I thought I had been remembering Him and trying harder to be more like Christ. Obviously not because sitting here now writing this down I see that really when these past couple days have been "challenging" I have not been alone at all and in fact have been swarming in tender mercies. Starting with the friend that reminded me of the playgroup being at my house... imagine everyone showing up to play and I am not here and I my house is not enterable? The kind men that helped me take my tire off and attempted to fit the truck spare on. Being able to go home and play with my kids at the playground. Having a husband that works hard and can change a tire like a pro. The truck not blowing a motor or being totaled. Having kind people in our path to lend us a truck from there lot to save us a dollar. Having a whistle at the gym waiting ready for me once I realized I had forgotten mine. Having such loving and kind and considerate people that I can trust to watch my kids. Be able to have my husband study and finish his degrees. I had missed all these little tender mercies because I was focusing on the negative and was blinded. I don't really have a specific answer to why bad things happen to good people, but I know that good stuff never stops happening either to good people. You just have to choose what you are going to focus on and see. I might dive further into this with other stories but I am finally feeling grateful and would like to go to bed on that feeling!

To teach or lose a phone?

So I was given the opportunity last week to actually get a teaching job teaching spanish. I was going to be able to use one of the degrees that I had earned and it was at a school that I really liked and was perfect for my schedule... and we could use the extra money... or so I thought. I was excited, honored I was even being considered and also wondering how in the world I was going to swing that on top of everything else I have going on. Turns out that weekend before I was to go in for the interview my little Annie reminded me of why she needs me at home. The two's hit hard. Hank reminded me of why he needs me at home. He doesn't like a bottle. I kept justifying... the money, honor, the degree being used, touch other kids lives... Back and forth. James said, "do whatever you'd like to do." I prayed all weekend that I would make the best decision I could for my family. I ended up waking up on Monday morning and cancelling my interview and a feeling of peace came over me. The thought, Good, better, best, came to mind. I had chosen the best option even though it would have been good to teach and help out, the best option was to be there for my family. I had a reassuring feeling that everything would work out just fine. And would you know it the Lord gave me another little tender mercy. The next day I went to the mail and opened a letter from the hospital. It was a check for almost $3000. Wowsers!! I double checked with the hospital and with insurance and what I thought we had paid on Hank was now being covered by the insurance. I probably would have gotten the check had I taken the job, but this one is going in the book as a tender mercy and a fulfullment of the promise that when we are obedient to His commands we will be blessed.

Then this past weekend I had an experience similar to that of Joseph Smith... not to be compared at all the least with him. His story goes that he and emma were in a little tiff or something and he was trying to translate the book of mormon. (I imagine this would require alot of peace and serenity and lots of guidance from the spirit.) He says he wasn't able to translate it feeling how he did because the feelings he had were not allowing the spirit to be present while he translated it. He went down and made amends with Emma and then returned to work on translating and now not being overcome with worries of worldly matters he was able to be led by the spirit to translate it... ok I may have just butchered that story but you have the picture I hope. So as we were getting loaded to travel back home to Bozeman from Idaho this past weekend I realized I did not have my phone. (Crucial part to my life right now. I can't be without it.) It was already after five and we had a six hour drive home. I was frustrated with not being able to leave earlier, tired and it had been a good, but long weekend. We tore the house apart several times, the car apart several times and rethought where I had been all day. I was getting frustrated, snappy, and growing an attitude. What had I done to deserve this? I informed my husband I was being punished. Everyone kept asking me, Aren't you praying to find it? yes of course I am I was saying. I finally went and sat in my car and gathered myself and asked for forgiveness for getting so impatient and snappy. There was no way I was going to get an answer if I continued to feel like this. After settling down, I again offered a little prayer that I would know where to find my phone. And would you believe it the thought came into my mind. Just be patient, you will find your phone. Just pack up and head out of town. Okie dokie I thought. This must be where faith comes in. We packed up and headed out of town. We ran by the church where I was pretty sure I looked and didn't have my phone than but what the heck? It had to be somewhere. I searched the parking lot, the church and still nothing. Need I mention that we had tried several times calling it and usually it went right to voice mail. James in the car had tried to call it once more and would you believe it someone answered the phone. And even more so would you believe that the person that answered the phone was a neighbor lady that lived right next to the church. Her husband had just happened to walk outside when he saw two kids tossing a phone back and forth to each other. He knew the kids wouldn't have a phone of their own so he called them over, took the phone from them and gave it to his wife to figure out whose it was and then it rang and James saw her behind him across the fence talking on my phone to him. We were able to cross the parking lot and pick up my phone from her. If that isn't a tender mercy I don't know what is. I didn't get a specific answer to my prayer as to where I would find my phone, but that I needed to have faith and move forward and I would be led to my answer. I had to delete all feelings of negativity and frustration out of my head before I could even recognize that that was my answer to my prayers. But what patience my Father in Heaven has for me of which I am so thankful for.

Not enough just to be a nice person...

Frustrated and ready to walk out I heard my coach on the outside of the net say, "explode into it!" Explode... that is what I want to do in more than one way, I thought. As I walked out to retrieve my shotput he came up beside me and said, "It may not be enough just to be a nice person." and walked off. Ahhh. What did that mean? I later confronted him on it , thinking I would get an indepth explanation as the the inner workings of ones soul and being. He simply said, "I don't remember saying that." It may have been a thought passing by in his mind, but it has stuck with me since. (and might I add that has been several years ago.) Was I too nice, did I not have what it takes, did I need to be mean? Everyday this saying has led me to think of different meanings for it. But as we sat at dinner tonight at 9:45pm and discussed what we would do with a million dollars a year we both decided we would pay it forward. We are sooo blessed with so many good people around us. We live in a wonderful home that two wonderful people allow us to live here for a price we can manage as students, we have working vehicles, so many wonderful and consistant clients, loving and supportive family, talents, awesome kids, most of all we have the truth and restored gospel. We were pretending to be equivalent with ... Bill Gates!! funny comparison I know. The first thing that we wanted to do was buy several homes and rent them out for super cheap so that young families like us could have a place to enjoy and love and grow. (We have wonderful landlords that help us out and provide a great example of this.) We would also love to help anyone out with a vehicle that needs one. Just helping provide for those that truly deserve it and are working their tail end off to be obedient and righteous and make ends meet. I was told this evening, you guys are just way too nice... I don't feel that we do enough and that we are so far behind with pay it forwards that we may never catch up... So when we grow up, watch out, we may become landlords! oh and if anyone can decode "it's not enough to be a nice person" I sure would love to hear it.

Alone but not really at all

It was a dark and snowy crisp evening. I climbed under the branches of several pine trees that I hand chosen specifically for their hiding abilities and lay there and wait. Would they notice? Would they see that I had left the group and was no longer there trudging behind them trying to keep up? I laid there and waited for what seemed like hours and slowly the tears began to fall as I peaked out from underneath the pine branch at the other girls racing down the hill on sleds and pulling them back up gleefully laughing and talking. I knew it, they didn't even notice I had been absent for the last couple of runs. Shows how much they liked me! I couldn't help but feel soo lonely and sad and worthless. Why couldn't I have been there best friends? I started to stifle the sob for several minutes and realized that crying wasn't making me feel better. I remember my mom had always told me that I could pray when I felt sad and then I would feel better. So underneath those pines trees on a cold winter's evening I prayed to my Heavenly Father and told Him how I felt. I felt a little better but the girls still didn't notice I was gone. Grrr. That was the problem. But, I was getting cold and I thought just maybe I would be able to sneak back to the house before they would see me. Just then, "Has anyone seen Amanda? She's been gone a long time." Huh? They had noticed? Wow. I waited for them to go past and snuck out in step with them once again. Oh there you are! Where have you been? Are you ok? I replied back, "oh yea I am fine. Just had to go do something...

Years later, I was about two or three weeks into the mission in Peru where I was the tallest blonde around, didn't understand hardly anything and didn't have a personality at all. (Surprising what happens to you when you are unable to express yourself as you always have. You become personalityless...) I had just left my boyfriend back home, ( wh9 I was pretty sure I was going to marry at some point) and did I mention I couldn't talk to anyone? Even when I attempted to say something in spanish to the locals I would only get a confused, lost look and then their eyes would go to my companion for an explanation as to what I had just said. She would then have to try and guess for the most part what I had tried to say and hurry on with something else. Needless to say I really had never felt so alone in my life. It got so bad I was ready to call up the president of the mission and tell him my bags were packed to go home. I had never quit anything but I could justify this one right? I was running home to my future husband... After all that is really what I was supposed to have been doing, getting married, having babies and living happily ever after... I remember crying myself to sleep as I prayed each night to my Father in Heaven, to help me be understood and to help me have the courage to continue. I prayed harder than I ever had before to not feel lonely and to feel at ease. Each night I would have dreams of James back home urging me to stay there and continue in the Lord's service. Each night I would feel just a bit better and each morning during my study I would spend most of it on my knees begging and pleading for strength and courage to continue. Before I knew it a month and then two months passed. I realized that I wasn't alone. I realized that me knees had calluses on them and holes were beginning to wear on my skirts at knee length. I realized that I had developed into a different person, one with a testimony of who I really am and that I am never ever alone. The first month of being in the field was the most humbling I had been through. But, as I look back on them now, what a transformation I went through. I know now that I had to go through that to become the type of person/missionary that my Father in Heaven needed me to be to be able to relate and help with those that were waiting for me.

Skip forward a few more years... I am now married, but just barely under a year. Life is great, we are loving life. We've just started a new business, James started school, we are happy. And then something so shattering and soul gashing happens. (Maybe one day I will right a book about this one... but for now no details.) And I feel completly lost, gone, with no one to turn to. I couldn't run to my mom, my husband, a friend, no one.... at all. I remembering sitting in my car, crying in uncontrollable sobs wishing that a stranger would just come so I could let it all out and then have them disappear forever. (I've got your curiosity peaked now huh? hehe. Sorry no details.) But in this time of really great sorrow I remembered how it was to spend time on your knees, pleading for peace, understanding and comfort. Comfort came almost immediatley, peace a little later and then after more time understanding. But, the point here is that I was never at any point of this ordeal alone, Ever. Even though I felt tossed to the sewer rats and trampled by swine and I felt so alone and hurt. I was never alone. I am so greatful that I am never alone. That I have a brother that went through every one of the hard times I went through and that I have a Father in Heaven that allows me to be humbled and then built back up and polished.

I can control the weather!

I have a confession... I think I may be able to control the weather... sometimes. I woke up yesterday to cloudy skies, howling wind and a deep feeling that I wasn't going to be able to get very much done today working the landscaping. Things didn't get better when I realized that we weren't going to be able to have anyone else help out and James and I were going to be solo with the kids pulling in pipe. Oh and did I mention that it was predicted that there was going to be thunderstorms all day long? The more into the morning it got the more anxiety I felt and the more hopeless I felt. I could make it work with the kids... but not with it being crummy out. So I did just about the only thing I really could do. I prayed hard and specifically that the weather would let us get what we needed done. I still felt the anxiety build. Not even a hug from James softened it. So I resorted to what I should have done in the beginning... I read the scriptures. I have to admit. I don't remember what I read and the anxiety didn't even really go away right then either. We left the house all bundled up, picked up the pipe puller and materials and rolled into the yard that we were going to be working in. And would you believe it? The clouds parted and it stayed sunny the entire day. (Well at least until I got to the gymn where I reffed volleyball. The heavens opened up then but that didn't matter.) To make things even better, Annie and Hank were angels and played and slept and behaved wonderfully and I went home with a feeling of accomplishment. There isn't very much better than that.
As I returned home that evening and finally made it to bed I laid there reflecting on the day like I usually do and once again was reminded what small and tender mercies I receive daily. And then I remembered a morning last summer when as usual we were way behind on our work... but when are we ever caught up? We were racing the clouds building in the sky to try and get all of our mowing done. Two yards in to the list of ten yards, James notices the yard next to the one we were doing and says gosh they sure do need some help. Look at that mess! The grass and weeds were literally three feet tall and from the looks of it had not been mowed ever that summer and it was into July already. We had a man on the street stop us and ask how much we'd charge to mow something like that. I answered and he stated well I wish they'd do something about it. It is a sore sight and drove off disgusted. As we were finishing up James noticed a young mom in her thirties in worn out clothes and a young toddler on the porch crying as her mom fought desperately with the weed eater trying to make it cut through the field in her front yard. James and I both looked at each other and knew what had to be done. He unloaded the mowers as I walked over to her. Her face was tear stained and frustration had overwhelmed it. I told her she wouldn't need to fight with that weed eater anymore, to set it down and go tend to her family. She told me I didn't understand, they were going to fine her and kick her out of the house if she didn't get anything done with the yard. I told her not to worry about that. It would get taken care of. She started crying even harder because she didn't have money to pay us. I assured her that it would be all right and to go inside. For the next several hours we chopped and hacked away at her yard, mean while the clouds were billowing even bigger above us just threatening to rain us out. We finished up, loaded everything back in the trailer and as we said our goodbyes would you know it? The sky cleared up for the rest of the day and we were able to get our work done. I would dare to say that if we hadn't took a little time out of our day to lend a hand to a stranger who obviously needed a hand than we might not have finished our work.
So as you might venture to guess, I believe that I can control the weather! Well more I am at the mercy of a Father in Heaven that wants to bless me when I am obedient to His will. And even more importantly we are instruments in His hands and if we use our talents to bless the lives of those around us He will take care of us...even when it seems impossible and we fell hopeless.

Tender Mercies...

I have been wanting to right another post for two weeks now but I found myself not willing to write very much when I felt like complaining as I would like to keep this post as positive as possible. But, it seems that as I arrive home at ten oclock at night from working or various other activities to a dirty home, laundry scattered everywhere and hungry kids and husband, it becomes hard to keep a positive outlook. So as I scramble together something for dinner and pick up just enough to make me feel like I attempted to maintain my home in a liveable manner and hustle Annie to bed for scriptures and family prayer I just want to collapse and hope that the next day allows for more time... haha. I have been trying very hard to read my scriptures daily. My visiting teacher promised me a couple of months ago that if I do that I will be able to accomplish more during the day. Last night I was considerably of the attitude oh wo is me. At one oclock as I found myself slipping into bed discouraged because my laundry was still not done and in baskets, the kitchen not cleaned and I still had billing to get done from last month. As I laid there in bed, I rolled over and looked at the scriptures sitting on the bedstand. Okay one verse I said... the verse I read was Lehi condemning Laman and Lemuel for their murmuurings... I laid there and contemplated... what was the main difference between Laman and Lemuel and Nephi? Murmuring. Nephi never murmured. He just took it as it was, courageously obeying every command, never complaining about a single trial, hardship, anything. I thought... no wonder I felt my week was so crummy... I was thinking like Laman and Lemuel would have. Nephi would have thought differently and would have had a better week. I do not want to be compared to a couple of wicked brothers... Goal for this week ... not murmur... even in my own head.
I am just greatful that I have a Father in Heaven who allows me to pass through trials and waits patiently as I run around without my head off to one side until I finally run into something and remember what I need to be doing. In my opinion, I view trials as tender mercies. They only help me grow and become more polished.

Speaking of tender mercies... I once read, "having kids is like paying tithing. You do it with faith that it will all work out." or something like that. That has been my husbands and I's philosophy for the most part. And now as we have two under the age of two, a busy landscape business, and he is starting school again this semester and I am reffing volleyball, I have to rely on that promise and comparison alot more. We are in the situation that I do have to work quite a bit to run this business on the job site and running the books. I sometimes feel great guilt in that I am letting others raise my kids and that I am not there for them everyday, all day long. We have been so blessed with such wonderful people that open their homes to my babies and love them. And when I think, I can't do this anymore and start complaining I remember how stinking blessed we are and that we are not doing this on our own at all. Once again, my Father in Heaven knows me and my family well and knows the willingness and earnest attempt we are making at living a righteous life and He does not leave us alone ever. So thank you to everyone who has helped us out and continues to in the future. Hopefully you are all as blessed as we are.

The Miracle of a Dryer

I am an expert at finding good deals... well I am extremely lucky or as many would say blessed because I have never really paid full price for anything. I have been able to furnish our home from gifted items or trades or garage sales. We are not fancy by any means but have a humble home and I wouldn't have it any other way. We try to make it a point to pay it forward and I feel that the Lord uses us as an instrument in finding good deals to also do His work. Example, I had a washing machine that every time I put it on the spin cycle Annie's bed would vibrate with the spin. I couldn't complain too hard because I gave $10 for it at a garage sale to replace the other that I picked up on the side of the road which was with us for almost two years. So one afternoon we got a phone call from a friend who needed help moving. My husband being the kind soul, jumped up and grabbed our family who was visiting us and went to help move him. He came home with a brand new washer and dryer... right there was a tender mercy because I was about done with the washer but could not afford to buy one. So what to do with the dryer? We have a gas hook up and it was electric. I called all over to friends, relief society president trying to give this dryer away to someone who wanted it and could use it. Nothing. I wanted to pass the favor on and give it to some one but if I could give it away... I would try selling it for cheap on Craig's list. The next day was a Sunday and as I came home to check my messages I heard a lady's voice say that the dryer would work perfect for them. I debated calling her back on Sunday. It was kind of like working... I was going to get money for the dryer... was that breaking the sabbath? I felt that I needed to call her back. Which when I did she said I will be right over. But I don't have all the money can I pay you less? Of course I said. So as I was outside cleaning it up, our friends came over who we do all of our Spanish FHEs with and get togethers. The dryer lady walked up to me in the garage and said, Did I hear you speaking spanish? We said yes, I served a mission in Peru and my friends were from Mexico... Are you LDS she asks. Yep. She says me too! Long story short, she is a single mom of five cute kids wanting to come back to church and needing some help. She gave me the money I had asked for and as we were loading the dryer I gave it back to her and told her it wasn't coincidence that she was here at my home looking for a dryer. With tears in her eyes she thanked me. She has since come back to church and come to several of our get togethers. I know that our Father in Heaven works through us and our desires to give of service. In return, we are given sooo much more back. I can attest to this. I was worried about breaking the sabbath, but the Lord knew that one of His daughters was in need of help and encouragement. I am so thankful to be able to part of His plan.

I remember as a missionary in Peru the highlight of my day or week was to be able to sit down and write all the amazing experiences that I was having being a servant of the Lord. I felt it so important to keep a record of every miracles, every trial, every tear and every laughter so that one day I could remember or be remembered... I told my mission president that my goal upon going returning home was to never really end being a missionary. As far as I was concerned the mission was not ending but contuinuing and I was to work just as hard. I have now been home for five years, (which is really hard to imagine) and I have been soooo blessed. I have seen miracles, had trials, shed tears and laughed til it hurt. And for some reason I never felt an urgency until now to record things happenings. I want to be able to allow those close to me and maybe those who aren't as close to experience some of the miracles that happen in my life and in turn maybe recognize the tender mercies in their own lives. I am so incredibly indebted to my Father in Heaven that I feel it impossible to give as much as I am receiving. We have adopted the philosophy in our home that what is ours is yours... as humble as it may be. Because of this I know that we are blessed one hundred fold and are able to really see miracles in our little family. Life is good.