I dreamed of James

This was almost ten years ago! How time flies. I remember it like yesterday.

I don't know if this happens with other sisters that leave on their missions with a boyfriend waiting for them at home? I am assuming that it is not easy for anyone, which is why most people don't do it and just get married. I made the decision after much prayer and fasting that serving a mission would be the best thing that I could do for myself and my future family. So I did and it was not easy at all those first few months. The fact that I knew I was meant to be there serving did not make it a drop easier.
I was having such a hard time with the language, understanding my companion and missing James that I was seriously considering returning home. And then I went to sleep one night.
I dreamed that I was walking in a park across from our apartment in Tacna. On the far side James was standing there with his hands in his pockets. He was solemn in his facial expression, quiet and observant. As I recognized him I  dropped everything and sprinted across the park. (I think my knee high nylons I had been duck taping up to my calves for the past couple weeks even started to fall down as they had been doing lately.) I reached James and threw my arms up to hug and hold him. He stepped back and I almost fell on my face. My heart sank. I only needed for him to hold me and tell me he had a plane ticket and that he would take me home. He looked me square in the eye and said, "You are not a quitter. You belong here. You need to forget me and get to work."
I would like to say that I woke up that next morning and totally forgot about James. I couldn't. However, I no longer felt the uneasy restlessness of not knowing if I really belonged there. I felt peace and comfort that James would be taken care of.  We both had things we needed to learn and experience to help our future family. Things we needed to go through separately to help us be stronger later on in our marriage. My Heavenly Father answered my prayers through a dream. I am so grateful that He knows me and loves me enough to answer my pleading prayers.

Coagulating Blood!!! This is sooo coool!!! It came from my thumb! Love ASEA!

There I was... making a green smoothie.  My costco bag of frozen fruit had thawed and then been refrozen again and was more of a solid brick of tropical fruit than anything else.  I attempted chunking off pieces of fruit to put in to the smoothie but was not having very much luck.  I gave it one last stab... which sent the knife through the block of tropical fruit and right down slicing the fleshy part of my thumb.  I could tell it was deep immediately.  My first thought was, "YES!! I can now do an ASEA experiment to see if what people have said is true about ASEA coagulating blood!"
I immediately put my thumb in a cup of ASEA and watched as the blood poured out of my thumb.  It was a crazy experience.  The blood was leaving my thumb in droplets and collecting at the bottom of the cup!  I dumped out that cup in the sink and watched as the ASEA poured out barely tinted red and then followed the blood... Not mixed!

This was the cut after soaking it in ASEA for about ten minutes.

This is the video of my thumb bleeding in my third cup of ASEA.  It had slowed significantly by this point.  Watch how it looks in slow motion.  My thumb is fully submersed in ASEA.  So cool!

I decided I should go get stitches after talking to several doctor friends of ours! (Thanks Dr. Jeff Green!)  But before I left I wanted to video the cup being poured out.  

This was the cup of ASEA with blood pooled at the bottom!

This was the ASEA being emptied from the cup shown above.  Notice how the ASEA is barely tinted red and then the distinct change when the blood began emptying? But wait!  There is more!!

This is the blood that did not come out of the bottom of the cup....

We decided to put tap water in the cup and see what would happens to the blood.  Would there be a difference?  The last part of this next video is the best!

Notice how the water and blood had already "mixed" and then the end finale!!!  Watch the already clotted blood plop out! 

This is just more fuel in my fire about how beneficial ASEA is to our bodies!  It has already began helping my body be more efficient and speed the healing process!  Think what it is doing in my body daily as I take it orally and spray it topically!  Every cell in my body is benefiting!!

I left shortly there after with a kotex sanitary napkin taped to my finger to go get stitches.  All of the hustle and bustle of performing our ASEA experiment had opened it back up again and it was bleeding pretty good again.

An hour later I came home with six stitches (first ever in my life other than the two I received after giving birth to my first baby.)  I showed the doctor stitching me up these videos and he was stumped.  "What is that stuff?" he asked!  "Only Redox Signalling Molecules!" I said and gave him my card with the www.amazingmolecules.com website and invited him to take a look.  This stuff is incredible!

As for me and my family... we will not be without our ASEA!

Have a great ASEA day!

www.jamesandamanda.teamasea.com

 

The crumpled up napkin on my windshield

February 14th of this year it will have been 10 years since I found a crumpled up napkin on my windshield as I left the track meet headed for home to my apartment.  It had been an emotionally draining week which had started with me confronting my neighbor about if we were going to start dating or not.  Everybody was asking us if we were, but neither of us had really discussed it or decided and really we just teetered around the subject when we were around each other.   I had finally had enough and in all honesty if he wasn't willing to try to date me "officially" than I was really wanting to move on.
I went to his apartment late one Sunday night which was not out of the ordinary.  I was always over there. But this time I was on a mission.  I walked in his front door and found him standing at the stove heating up some cream of celery soup.  We had just recently purchased an entire case of it at the case lot sale.  "I need to talk to you.," I said.  He set down the spoon he was stirring his soup with and looked up at me startled.  "I am tired of not knowing where I stand with you.  Are we just friends?  Are we dating?  I don't know what to tell people when they ask."  I had his full attention now.  He was now starting to back further in to the kitchen as I came closer.  "I don't know.  I guess I will have to think about it," he said shyly.  "What is there to think about?  You either know if you are interested or not!" I exclaimed frustrated.  "I don't know.  I have some things I need to work through first.  You deserve more than what I am right now.  Just give me time to work through some things."  He was now backed all the way in to the kitchen, face was red and he appeared pretty uncomfortable.  I too was uncomfortable, heart racing, kind of dizzy.  I had never approached anybody like that before, let alone somebody who I was really starting to care for.  "Alright, well let me know when you figure out your life!"  I left the his apartment embarrassed, feeling rejected and confused.  That was not at all how I had pictured any of it going at all that night.
Throughout the entire next week I did not see him at all.  This was hard to do when our apartments shared a wall.  We always ran in to each other or at least passed coming and going.  It wasn't until the night of February 14th did I see him next.  He came to my track meet.  First thing I noticed was that he had given himself a hair cut... Need I say it looked like he took his hat and cut his side burns off level with the bottom of his baseball cap.  As he told me good job and good luck and see ya later I couldn't help but wonder why he had cut his sideburns off so funny?  But it was nice he came to the track meet.  I was a little bummed that he did not stay to walk me home or even watch the rest of the meet.  I guess he still had "stuff" to work through.
I walked to my car through the snowy slush with my sister.  I was frustrated with how I had performed and to top it off someone had crumpled up a napkin and left in on my windshield.  I grabbed it and tossed it in the car with the rest of my things.  My sister picked it up gently and said, "Amanda, someone left you a rose." "What?! Where?"  She held the napkin at a different angle and I saw a pretty little rose laying on its side in her hand.  It was actually kind of pretty.
We arrived home, I went inside my apartment and my roommates immediately huddled around my bedroom door.  "Look on your bed!!"  I looked and saw a card and a little gift.  The gift was a little horse named Elmer.  The card read, "This gent would like to ask a dame to be his girl.  Will she take him and all his flaws?" (It was something like that... I can't remember exactly)  My heart was racing, I was dizzy, he had decided that yes I was worth a shot!  I was so happy about it and excited and confused.  Why had he cut his sideburns so funny?  I ran over to his apartment where he was waiting in the kitchen.  I awkwardly ran up to him, threw my arms around him awkwardly and said yes!  And then I was was distracted again by his sideburns... haha.  I guess I can say the rest has been history.  We have so many good stories.  It has not been entirely easy the last ten years since we have been a "couple," but it has been fun.  I have learned one thing for sure.  Sometimes the crumpled up napkin is not what it seems.  It just requires a step back and a different angle and a whole new perspective is given.  That has been a constant theme in our now eternal marriage and I am forever grateful for him and the crumpled up napkin!

The Keeper of the Gate: Grandpa Jim

I would like to write about my Grandpa Jim.  I think of him often.  I remember how he smelt and how his whistling sounded in the morning while he drank his coffee listening to the radio.  I remember the toothpick he would keep in his mouth and move back and forth from one side to the other.  I remember loving mules because he loved them and laughing at his "mule farts smell like roses jokes."  I remember sitting around a campfire in the dark listening to him strum his guitar and sing.  I loved listening to him sing.  I could listen for hours on end.  I remember one time he sang "Amanda, light of my life..." Then there were the times we would go to the rodeos with him and I would think that none of those guys out there on the bulls or horses could hold a candle to my Grandpa.  I remember when he gave my Grandma jewelry that he made her from old Indian beads.  He always made sure to attend my basketball games and always had a smart remark about how I don't have a beat when dancing.  I remember listening to he and my grandma playing at the Elks.  We loved going to listen and dance with all the other old timers.  I couldn't keep a beat then either, but we loved flirting with the old men!  I remember watching my Grandpa's hands tap to the rhythm of the music as he listened to it and the way his voice would crack as he yodeled. I remember how his lips would curl around a corn cob.  I remember when my grandpa came to our house to bury our dog after he was run over on the road and the tears in his eyes as he left.  I remember my Grandpa riding up our driveway on his mule Billy Jo to take me on my first ride on my mare Tweet.  I remember interviewing him about his life on several occasions.  The one thing that has never left me from those conversations are his words, "Work hard enough it will be impossible for them to want to fire you.  You will always have work." I remember watching the twinkle in his eye when he had guests over and was able to entertain them. I remember getting the phone call that he had been in an accident.  I remember gathering with my family in the music room listening to him sing and play his guitar knowing that it would be the last time in this life that I would be able to dance to his songs.  I remember getting the call that we needed to come home now.  I remember walking in his house with all of our family around us and bending down in front of his face so he could see me.  For a brief second I know he recognized me with a small twinkle in his eye.  I remember my family gathered around his bed as he slipped away to heaven.  I did not have sorrow from his death, maybe from anticipation of missing him, but not because his mortal life had come to a close.  I remember listening to the "Keeper of the Gate" being sung by him at his funeral and knowing that our family will be an eternal family one day.  My Grandpa was an amazing man and an admirable example of what hard work will earn you.

I received a ring in the MTC...

Receiving mail as a missionary is one of the highlights of serving a mission!  Especially when you have only been out for a couple weeks or months.  The pangs of homesickness are still very raw and the realization of what being a true missionary is is still almost an imagination as you have still not really been able to be entirely become lost in the lives of your investigators and converts. 

Imagine seeing a package in the mail from your boyfriend.... who you didn't really break it off with before you left but left it kind of open ended... sitting in the mail just two weeks in to your time as a missionary at the MTC.  I received such package.  I ripped it open hoping for candy or a little note or stickers or gum.  I did not expect a ring.

The memories from a life time of three weeks before all came flooding back.  James took me to the temple in Billings and then made a short stop at the LDS Bookstore just down the road.  He said it was to just look around.  Upon entering the store he walked directly over to the rings and asked me to choose a ring.  Ha! I was hesitant.  What did that mean.  I played along with him and told him I did not want a cliche CTR ring but would choose something better.  The sego lily ring.  It was beautiful, bold and I had never seen anyone else where it!  The caption under the ring read, "Just as the Sego Lily sustains life, sisters in Zion sustain life in their homes.  They reflect purity, beauty, patience and strength."  That was everything that I wanted to reflect and become.  That ring was to be mine.

Fast forward to me standing in the MTC post office holding my ring.  I had entirely forgotten that they did not have my size and that they were going to ship it to me in the MTC.  Pangs of wanting to run home flooded through me.  I missed James.  I knew it was a good choice to be on my mission, but I didn't have the conviction that I shouldn't be at home marrying him either.

I knew that I had to be committed entirely one way or the other and that I would not be successful either way if I was always wishing I was somewhere else.  The next day we were to go to the temple.  I knew that this decision to stay or go home was a big one and that I needed to receive some serious answers.  I began my fast immediately with faith that through fasting I would receive the answer that I needed to be able to fully commit either way.  

As I sat in the temple, feeling very much at peace, deep in thought and prayer, I held my missionary plack in one hand and the ring in the other hand.  Both good choices.  Which was better?  Then as I closed my eyes I remember hearing the words, "Have courage."  A flood of peace came over me, almost tingly and light but penetrating.  Have courage to follow the answer I knew I had already received while preparing to serve a mission earlier that summer.  The scripture came to mind in Doctrine and Covenants 6.

22Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might ^aknow concerning the truth of these things.

 23 Did I not speak ^apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater ^bwitness can you have than from God?

I had already received my answer previously.  I needed to remember to have courage to continue forward with faith that that was my answer and that I was to be a missionary at that time.  I am grateful that I know with a surety that when I have problems, questions, seek peace and strength, I can turn to my Father in Heaven and He will answer my prayers and bless me with comfort and understanding.

Through out the rest of my mission, courage became a theme.  Whenever I felt lost, scared, desperate, sad, worthless, weak, etc I would look back to that afternoon in the temple and remember, "Have courage."

Little did I know that as I came home and returned to my James, married  him for all eternity and began a family how much courage I would need.  I know that as I prayerfully make decisions and fast about those decisions, I will be led to what my family needs and that we will be protected and provided for.  I will be blessed with the courage to be obedient, step out of my comfort zone and make a mark on this world.

True Confessions of a 30 year old Network Marketer

This will be brutally honest.  I have sat on my lawn mower most of the summer with occasional intermittent bouts of installing irrigation systems and landscaping.  I have had a lot of time to think.  Which is not common for a mom of three babies 4 years old and under.  Did I mention that my average work day is between 10-13 hours long away from the house?  I have had time to think, contemplate, listen, and discover a lot.  I have written thousands of blogs through out the summer.  Only a few have persevered in my memory til now.  I suppose it will be those "blogs" that I will now share with my blog that I have abandoned until now.

I did title this one True Confessions of a 30 year old Network Marketer.  It has taken me seven years of experimenting with network marketing to call myself that with pride.  It takes every bit of courage that I have.  I was raised in a network marketing home.  One that meetings were the norm most weeks.  A home that made up songs about the company that was currently being shared.  (I to this day sing, "Melaleuca, Melaleuca, Melaleuca!" in a sing songy voice.)  I experienced at a young age the awkwardness sometimes involved in the industry and the everlasting friendships made.  Of course this was just what my young eyes saw through my parent's activities.

As I grew older, I learned that network marketing sometimes has a bad stigma associated with it.  This stuck deep in my soul and had a conflicting battle with the good memories that I had growing up.  Growing up a member of the LDS Church in an area primarily not LDS, I have always been "different" than my peers, family, neighbors, etc.  I never cared.  I loved that I knew without a doubt that I was in the right place and stood solid in my conviction of the truthfulness of what I believe.  It did not bother me that others thought me strange, weird, peculiar, goodie goodie, or whatever they thought of me.   But somehow with the network marketing it mattered to me what others thought.... and that bothered me.

James and I have been involved in 3 or 4 different companies since we have been married and deeply investigated several others.  (We usually walked away knowing more about the companies than the person presenting to us.)  I love the 2nd company we were in.  It consisted of calling people I have never met and talking to them!  I literally could care less about what they thought!  It was great!  Then it turned out that that company was a fraud.  Yes, we were involved in a company that was not ethical, had zero morals and lied to us.  Ha.  I said never again.  I will not do this again.  Everyone was right, these are no good.

Two years ago, my mom, who is forever looking in to new and exciting gigs, health fads, pills, diets, etc., stumbled across this salt water drink.  She did not back down when I laughed at her.  Salt water? HA!  Network marketing! HA!  No way.  I have too much to do to waste my time and money.  Over the next couple months, she continuously "dripped" information on me.  Stories of fish coming back alive after having this salt water rubbed on them, people going off of their inhalers, anti depressant medication no longer needed after a life time of dependency, chronic pain disappearing.  So many stories, day after day, were being dripped onto me.

I like to be healthy.  I like to be strong.  I do not like to be sick or feel weak.  James and I said we would try Asea.  (James actually jumped at the chance.  I was much more the skeptic and would not commit in anyway to sharing this with anyone.  I would not "burden" anyone with this.)

That was October 2011.  Over the next couple years we would quietly share it with our friends and maybe some others.  James of course a lot more than me.  I still really did not want anything to do with Network Marketing.  I did not want to "burden" anyone.  Nor did I really believe 100% that this was all it was cracked up to be.  I knew that it had over 30 patents, that it affected the glutathione antioxidants by several hundred percent, that athletes who take it have increased speed and endurance and performance by 12%.  I read the studies, watched the videos.  I knew that it was not bad.  I knew that I was not getting sick when friends around me were under the weather.  I knew that when I actually worked out, I recovered a lot quicker.  I knew that when I sprayed it on my bleeding nipples when breast feeding our new baby they almost healed in front of my eyes.  (ok that was pretty huge and the honest truth.)  I knew that I sprayed it on one leg after frying them in the sun and the leg I sprayed never pealed and healed much faster than the other which actually blistered.  I knew that this "salt water" (Asea) works.  I still did not want to burden anyone with it because of this idea that I had in my head about network marketing.  I did not want my friends or even potential friends to run from me or become awkward because they had not looked at what we invited them to look at.

And then I spent all summer listening to books that James would download for us to listen to.  Books authored by Jim Rohn, Eric Worre, Shapiro, etc.  I listened inquisitively.  After the third of fourth time listening to these books, I realized that Network Marketing is not a burden, not a scam, and was something entirely worth my effort to begin to live.

I believe that we should surround ourselves with what is positive, uplifting, good natured, honest, real.  I realized that Network Marketing is becoming the best you you can be!  Becoming more spiritually inclined, pushing yourself to limits you would never have gone.  It is all about perfecting who you are, listening better, communicating better, serving better, loving more, being accountable for the well being of others.  Network Marketing is about helping others who have a desire to become more, become more. Network Marketing is about setting goals, reaching goals and learning new ways to recommit to goals.  Network marketing is about becoming a leader by helping them learn to lead.

This excites me.  I feel that I am a driven person.  Our philosophy in our marriage and life is that if we can help others, it will be passed along and somehow swing back around for us.  This has worked without fail.  What excites me more is that the Network Marketing company that James and I call ours is every bit of this and more.  I can, (and have) looked into the eyes of the leaders and only see the concern for us reflecting back.  This company has integrity.  This company has morals.  This company's main objective is to help and serve.  I can align my personal goals right along side the goals of this company.  UBUNTU!

Is the old Amanda lurking in the back ground taunting me not to share this with those who are desperately in need of the benefits Asea can bring to them?  Yes.  Does it take copious amounts of courage every time I open my mouth to share with someone about Asea?  Yes.  Do I bumble all my words together and talk too much and go cross eyed?  Yes.  But, that is the beauty of Asea.  I am not left alone to figure this out.  I have a team of partners that will even make calls with me on Valentine's Day during a night out so that I can reach my goals.

This is the confession of a 30 year old Network Marketer.  I love Network Marketing.  It has been a long road for me and I do not doubt that it will even longer.  But as I learn to grow as a leader, I will grow as a Daughter of my Father in Heaven and reach even more of my potential.

On a side note, it is incredibly exhilarating to have finally put this "blog" down on paper.  It has been months floating around in my head with little energy left to finally make it out on to paper until now.  I could not hold it back and now I feel better.  I may even be able to sleep!  If anything more than to help me construct the reality of these ideas, I leave you with my confession and wish for you to find something that pushes you to reach more of your potential and polish the rough edges off of you daily.

Screaming in to an empty room eating chocolate chips

Have you ever just screamed in to an empty room?

I have several times these past couple days.  I always think that it will make it easier to relieve stress or be able to evict emotions,  but I have found it usually doesn't help.  Chocolate chips have a slight edge on screaming into the empty room.

It is times like these when I feel pressure from every direction to appease everyone's needs and requests and cannot humanly do it that I so easily forget that there are hidden miracles in everything.  And so now as I sit here completely mentally and physically exhausted stifling my desire to scream into the dark room I am going to jot down a few of the hidden miracles that occurred today.

My kids were watched over and taken care of by an amazing friend today.  They came home happy and and tremendously tired from playing and wanting to eat "chocolate sandwiches"... hahah

We have wonderful clients who are open and honest with us.  We also have clients who have been waiting for us to do their landscaping for over a year.  Finally finishing their project they are so excited to be able to plant their garden and perennials!  It amazes me how we find such great people to work with!

Part of the stress is that everyone would like their projects done now.   I keep fighting the urge to go hide under the bed when my phone rings because it is one more person needing a bit of work done!  One man called today to request we fix his broken system.  I expressed how far behind we are and I could not possibly take anyone one right a way and that he would have to wait several weeks.  He agreed happily!

Honesty is the best.  I cannot please everyone all at once.  What takes priority is my family... my husband especially.  He pays for the brunt of the crazy emotional waves of his crazy wife!  He is the hidden miracle that every day I am more grateful for.  He is constant and sure and strong... pretty good looking too!

I was told today by one of my throwers.  You were a pretty alright referee.  (That never happens!!)

Whew... I no longer feel like I need to scream.  My head is no longer swimming with craziness.  I feel like I can now slumber.

good night

The Night I Did Everything Wrong

I was rocking it!  I had made 6 lasagna dinners, gone to track practice and won the wall sit competition against the throwers, and come home to my mom and Annie and Jane and watched the Voice.  Life was good.

I really wanted to finish up the enchiladas that I had started earlier and get that project checked off of the never ending list.  So I let my Mom take care of Jane and I started warming up some coconut oil to saute the onions.  Jane wasn't wanting Mom so I took a second to go grab her... and then began to change her diaper to help her quiet down.

A minute later Mom mentioned that she smelled something burning.  I realized I had left the pan of oil heating on the stove.   I jumped up, ran to the kitchen, turned the burner off and returned to the baby in the living room.  Not a minute later, mom looked up and saw flickering on the hallway wall.  "What is flashing/flickering in the kitchen?"  As I looked through the little cubby hole in the wall separating the kitchen from the living room I saw flames emerging from the pan I had just turned off.

Baby in tow, I ran to the kitchen, saw that the flames were growing bigger, sat the baby down on the floor, grabbed the pan and sadly my first thought was "get the pot under water."  As I was carrying the flaming pot towards the sink (Mind you there are long curtains that hang over our sink...) my mom comes in yelling "No, not water!!"  Thank goodness for her.  She scooped up Jane off the floor and all I could think about was how do I get this fire out making the least amount of mess!  (Embarrassing to admit!  I have a fire extinguisher right under the sink, two feet from where I was standing and in that instant I chose not to use it from not wanting to make a mess... What a freak!)

I decided the only way to handle the fire was get it out of the house.  Within milliseconds I was rushing through our tiny kitchen, flaming pot in front, trying to not let the oxygen fueled flames spread.  I squeezed through the hallway, mom yelling at me the whole time "you're on fire, you're on fire!"  I reached the door.  Of course, it was locked up for the night.  Fumbling with the locks, the flames were growing bigger, burning oil was sloshing out of the pan on to the floor and coats as I tried opening the door.  As I exited the house I had to pass the burning pot in between me and the door.  Flames reached up past my head, reaching out and burning the fraying screen on the storm door.  The second I was able to, I chucked the whole burning pot out the door and into our hedge surrounding our property.  I ran back inside to see what other fires I had started on the way out and miraculously not a single one remained.  I grabbed the fire extinguisher from underneath the sink and ran outside and soaked the pot with fire retardant.

Let's list the stupid things I did... (This is more to drive this into my "special" head not to EVER do again.)
1. Never leave anything unattended on the stove...especially OIL!!
2. When you see flames anywhere, don't worry about a potential mess that you could make putting it out.  Go for the fire extinguisher.
3.  Do not try to put an oil fire out with water.  How many times has this been drilled into my head.  When it really mattered, did I remember that ?  Nope.  Thank goodness my mom was here to straighten me out.
4. Never run through the house with a pot of oil on fire!
5. NEVER run through the house with a pot of OIL on FirE!!!!  AAHH!
6. Do not chuck a flaming pot of oil at a dry hedge surrounding your property!

Now this was an incredibly stupid decision night for me.  I am the first to recognize that I made very foolish decisions that could have made everything be 500 times worse.  Our night could have turned out terribly different and terrible.  I am choosing not to dwell on what could have happened, because eventually I am going to need to sleep tonight.  However, despite all of my imperfect decisions, I feel like we were so blessed in spite of it all.  I had my angels around me stomping out mini flames and putting flames guards around me and my family keeping us safe.

List of tender mercies:
1. My mom smelt the smoke before the fire alarm went off.
2. My mom saw the flickering on the wall.
3. My mom stopped me from putting water on the fire.
4. The lady came to pick up the pile of boxes I had stacked waiting for her in front of the door earlier today. Had she not come, I would not have been able to open the door enough to get out.
5. Every little fire oil ball that dropped was immediately extinguished.  Yes, I do have melted carpet spots the size of quarters through out my hallway, but no other damage was done.
6.  I did not receive one burn.  Mom said it looked like the flames were up and down my torso.
7. The hedge did not catch on fire.
8, No one was hurt, everyone safe and we were watched out for and protected even in spite of my foolishness.

Life could be very different right now.  All I can do is lay here and think of how grateful I am to my Father in Heaven for watching out for my family and home.  My mom felt it very important that we say a prayer of thanks as we gathered ourselves together again.  I am so grateful for these tender mercies.  I am grateful for a mom who is able to pay attention to the small things to keep us safe (because I was sure bombing at the time).  Most of all I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who knows that I will not make correct choices, but is still patient and sends angels to tamp out the flames I set.

I pray and beg the Lord every night that our family will be safe and that our home will be protected.  I know that I will not be able to avoid all mishap or accident or disaster.  But I do know that my prayers are heard and that He is mindful of me and my family.

President Packer said this in this past conference, "...There are few things more powerful than the faithful prayers of a righteous mother."  This I know is true.  It was evident tonight in answering my prayers as a young, inexperienced mom with the sole desire that my family just be safe and protected.

My Mom Ride

You've seen the commercial where the mom is riding in her mini van and all the guys keep waving at her? She thinks that they are checking her out, liking her "mom ride", or whatever else else they might think when you wave at someone. ... and then she finds out that they are all trying to get her attention because she left the diaper bag on top of the car?

Ha.  I can relate!  There I was sitting in my "mom ride" (Honda Pilot... not quite the "sophistication" of a mini van... :) ) at a stop light.  As the on coming traffic came driving by everyone started waving, nodding their heads, smiling... WAY too friendly for 3pm Bozeman traffic...  I may have thought to my self for a brief second... Ha look at that... they like my car... they think I am cool, complete strangers!  hahahaha

And then I realize that directly behind me Hank has rolled down his window and was waving full force with a huge smile across his face at all of them.  "Hey mom look!  They are waving at me~!"

I may have felt a little like the gal on the commercial for brief second.

Kick your trash

I was accused yesterday of having mommy language.  Funny story is, I think I talked like this before I was a mommy.

An athlete I have been coaching made a remark to me that he gets his ambition and drive in a certain sport from the desire of kicking his opponents @$$.  But, when it comes to pushing himself to becoming better he is too lazy.

I was relaying this story to some fellow coaches last night and instead of saying, "kicking his @$$,"  I substituted "trash" for the "@$$."  Ha.  One coach looked at me and said, "Kick his "trash" ?"  Yes, I said, Kick his opponents trash... and I went on to describe that he gets motivation for winning not by trying to better himself, but kick the others opponents trash.

He stared at me like I was speaking a different language.  What?  Kick their trash?  Is that code for something?  The other coach standing there with us jumped in, "no, what she means to say is kick his @$$.  She can't say it because she speaks mommy talk."  HAHAHA

I was so dumbfounded that my Mommy talk was not understood, but when "stronger" language was used it was understood entirely.  I do know that I have been known to make up words and reformulate how words and phrases go together... but I thought that was pretty self descriptive.

I have always felt that the manner in which you speak reflects your integrity and is a window to the world from within yourself.  Falling into "maintstream" swear words, dirty talk, foul language only demonstrates to me a lack of imagination, self control, and a lack of desire in self betterment.  By no means do I fall into perfect in this category, because I also feel that any word or phrase said in a strong or vulgar tone can be offensive and have the same result.  Conquering this habit is even more difficult than just merely cleaning up language.  I am forever working on this even though my tally marks of "swear words" said in my entire life time can add up on one hand if that.

The Garbage Man

I have never met him.  He hauls our trash away every Tuesday morning.  Most times I forget to put it out on Monday night.  Usually I get the trash put out around 8:30am... it is supposed to be set out be 6am.  Our garbage man rocks.  He will keep an eye out for our trash can as he goes about his route and will then empty it.  We have even tempted fate and added more garbage after the first was dumped and he has come by to get the extra garbage.  One day I will meet him and thank him.  He is a tender mercy.

Answers from sitting on a toilet

I am supposed to speak tomorrow in church during our sacrament meeting.  I feel I cannot focus on anything until I have let this blog escape my brain.  Please tell me this is a normal occurrence among people who write in a "blog."

A couple months ago I was having a rotten, emotional day where the kids were screaming, house was dirty, and I felt the weight of thinking I needed to fix everyone else's problems when in reality I just wanted someone to come up to me and say, "How are you doing today?" and then sit and wait for a response.

I had friends stop by through out the day.  None of them noticed that I had tears almost welling up in my eyes as they sat there and told me how they were and their problems.  Normally, this is very welcome and I enjoy the trust that my friends have in confiding with me.  But, that day I needed to have someone listen to me.... Not even listen... Just ask how I was and mean it.

I remember standing in my kitchen, tears now streaming down my cheek and looking up as if I could see the heavens and say, "Can't someone just ask me how I am?"  I then pushed it aside and continued about my daily duties doing everything.

It was not an hour later that I received a text message from a friend.  "Hi, how are you doing?" it read.  I stared at it for longer than I should have astounded.  How did this friend know?  She herself had a house full of kids, lots going on and was able to stop and wonder how I was? Wow.  I sent back a quick message and didn't hear anything back for a day or so.  Which did not matter. I knew that someone in that minute was wondering how I was doing.

I later met with this friend and told her the story of what had transpired.  She sat there completely overwhelmed.  Her side of the story follows.

She had been madly cleaning their home as they were preparing to move, had sick kids, and company visiting her.  She escaped to the bathroom for a brief minute of solitude in the which she pulled out her phone and typed a long message to me... then deleted the majority of the message and simply wrote, "Hi, how are you doing?"  Quickly finished her business in bathroom and promptly forgot about her phone busying herself with other duties.

We both knew that we were directly affected by an answer to my prayers.  I needed to know at that moment that someone was thinking of me and wondering about me.  She was living her crazy life in still a manner that she was able to head the prompting of the spirit to know that I did not need a long book written to me, but that a simple question would suffice.

I know that we are not alone.  I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows exactly what I need to be able to continue forward.  I know that he works through other people to accomplish this task.  I can only pray that I be used to help others when they are silently praying for an answer as my friend did that day.

Gwen: herder of little ones

Has anyone ever taken 5 kids ages four and under to the doctor...with only one of them being sick?  I have.  It was not amusing.  The parking lot was packed and had to park in the very far confines of hospital parking lots.  Which of course made us even more late.  Then just so happens all the kids took their shoes off right when we pulled in to the spot. And of course, it is like herding sheep trying to get them to go through a single door, let alone sit still in the waiting room.

Did I mention the looks I got from other moms?  Priceless!

Turns out the sick one had strep which meant that we had to go the pharmacy to get drugs to make her better.

That was when we met her.  Gwen.  You know the overly friendly people that you do not know if they are special needs or if they are really just that nice?  This was Gwen.  I herded the troop into the pharmacy which has a little table, chairs and coloring books that the kids usually sit at for an entire two minutes.

A nice, young gal in her young 20s popped into the pharmacy wondering if anyone had a cell phone charger... nope.  "Oh you have kids!  Can I play with them?"  Sure I say.  Have at it!
She then sits with them and proceeds to play, laugh and converse with them in their simple language.
I go to check on the prescription.  The doctors never sent it.  It would be at least a half hour.  Not good.

We decide to go wander around.  Gwen jumps up. "I am going with you.  You need help with all these kids!"  We all head outside and she proceeds to play games with them and keep them entertained.  I was left standing there, staring at her.  Are you real?  What complete stranger sees a stressed out, tired mom with too many kids at a doctor's office and just starts playing with them to keep them happy and be entirely involved and loving the attention they are giving her?

Gwen had to leave to make a phone call and we parted ways for the time being.  As we wandered the halls and elevators of the hospital, the kids worried they would never see Gwen again.  They were drawn to her.

After a few minutes we decided to head back and pray that the prescription was ready.  Thank goodness it was sitting there waiting and we could hit the road.  As we left the kid's eyes were searching for their special new friend.  Annie looked up at me and said, "I really love Gwen.  I need to tell her that."

Just outside the door and around the corner was our friend Gwen sitting on the bus stop bench.  Annie and the other kids ran straight up to her, threw their arms around her and with all the love they could muster, "We love you Gwen!"  She dropped down on her knees, tears filling her eyes.  "Oh thank you kids! I love you too"

She then insisted on giving each kid a stamp, pencil, pad of paper, etc from her purse.  After more hugs, we left and herded our way to the car.

Gwen was such person that I still to this day cannot interpret if she was an angel sent right at that time to help me out or if those kids were all right there as her angels to help her feel love.  Either way.  That meeting, that day was not a mistake and prayers were answered.  She felt loved if even by a mob of toddlers and I felt that my Father in Heaven knew how badly I needed another set of hands to help herd.  Tender Mercy.

Just trying to look romantic...

I have a slight problem.  A conversation today reminded me of this problem.  I don't like to be told that I can't do something.  Especially being compared to someone else who might be able to do that something. 

Which brought back a memory that I love.

We hired cheap photographers.  Never do that for your wedding.

As we were taking pictures outside the temple, we made awkward poses trying to look romantic.  Ha, must have been a sight!  The photographer suggested that James pick me up and swing me around making my dress swing out.  It turned out pretty nice and was fun...  Stopping to gain our footing, I joked that I should now swing James around me.  The photographer said something implying that I could not/should not do that.

Done.  It was immediately decided that James stand on the little table to get ready for lift off.  I wrapped my arms around him and in my little white heels in the green grass and beautiful dress I swung my cowboy around.

The photographer did not know what to say or do.

I can do whatever I put my mind to. :)

(Big thanks to Cami Joy Photography for fixing our pictures!!)

Now for a contradiction in my problem.

I have never taken a drink of alcohol.  Never.  Not even once.  Not even a sip.

Have I been invited to? Yes.  Have I been begged? Yes.  Have I been taunted?  Yes

I was asked today from one of our clients who thought I was wonderfully absurd, "You never even tried it?  It wasn't like the forbidden apple that you just wanted to eat because others said you cannot?"

I have never had the slightest desire to try it or for that matter to ever get "drunk" or "happy" or "relax" or whatever other reason there is.  Weird, probably.  Maybe this does not contradict my problem.  It could just be that everyone expects me to have tried alcohol before and I choose to not follow the crowd...  hmmm.

I am blessed to be married to another weirdo also.  He has never taken a drink either.  Peculiar people eh?

She dreamed me before she met me.

I have another blog that has been wanting to materialize for quite some time now also...
It is of a little Peruvian woman opening the door to a set of sister missionaries, one a native Peruvian,  the other, a tall, blonde American.  We had never met before but when her eyes met mine her jaw dropped.  I was brand new out in the field, debating my decision of being there and not understanding anything at all.  She tried explaining that she knew me.  I tried explaining we had never met.  She insisted that we had met.  As the conversation unfolded I came to understand that she had a dream with me in it the night before.  She dreamed that I was running as fast as I could.  Up hills, down hills, up hills, down hills, mountains, valleys...

I have reflected a lot on her dream.  The thought that she had dreamed of me before we met.  Interesting.  Preexistence?  I may have to wait to find out why this transpired.  But the message in the dream... I have had a wonderful life.  I am very blessed.  It has been a lot of  up hill and downhill.  Some days are as tough as sprinting up the side of a mountain and others are as slippery as sliding down.

Each stage in my life since than, however different, a common theme has been prevalent.  I keep running.  Keep moving.  I believe that a still person cannot be inspired to go in the direction that they are needed to go.  They must move.

At the time I took that as answer to keep going.  Stick it out on the mission, no matter the hills or the valleys needed to climb.   Keep going.

I now picture my life.  Mom of three great kids, wife to a hard working husband, owner of a landscaping business, working with a biotech company, referee, aspiring chef (haha!), and whatever else I decide to be.  I know that if I keep moving, improving myself and keeping my eye towards the over all goal of having my eternal family, I will be lead in the direction I need to go.

Futuremissionary@.....

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and many blog posts have been created in the offices of my brain and then never processed.  I am feeling a bit backed up (It has been only a year since my last post...)   One thing on my mind and has been for a very long time.  Years to be exact, is a certain family that I do not think knows made such an impact in my life.  I even made a special trip to visit them in their home and all the kids came to visit.  I chickened out and did not tell them what their example did for me at that time in my life.

I remember a friend who went to Seminary with me.  His mom was the teacher of our little Seminary group and every morning we sat on the little couch in their home or at the church and tried to stay awake and learn from the scriptures.  I honestly do not remember much from what was taught.  (She was a great teacher, I was just a distracted, tired teenage girl.) I do remember recognizing the importance of the gospel and the scriptures.  I saw the difference that scripture study brought to my life and the lives of those who chose to or chose not to study.

This friend had an email address which was futuremissionary@......  I remembered being taken back by the boldness in that statement.  I am a future missionary.  That said a lot.  It meant he knew that the church was true and was prepared to defend it and invite others to learn also.  That scared me at the time.

This family moved away the next year and we lost contact but for brief exchanges every once in a while.  The email address stuck forever with me.  The more it sank in the more I had a desire to be a future missionary, to serve with all my time, heart and being.  To help others find the happiness that I knew to be true and to learn of eternal families.  It became so ingrained in me that it surprised me when it didn't make sense that I leave for a mission.  I had a great boyfriend, a track scholarship, going to school, best shape of my life and yet I knew that I was a future missionary and that I had a work to do.

Thank you to the friend and his family for the examples that they showed to me.  I will be forever in debt.  The lovely people of Peru will be in debt.  My family will ever be in debt to you for the small act that changed me.

If it doesn't feel right... it's probably not

If there is one thing that I love is getting dirty and working hard and making something look good or creating something outside... mainly anything involving dirt, irrigation, grass, etc.  When I first interviewed for my first landscaping job I was hired not because of my experience but because I just about couldn't sit in my seat when my previous employer told me of the job qualifications..."moving lots of heavy rock, pushing lots of dirt, throwing around lots of sod, pushing wheel barrels..."  The more he told me the more excited I got.  Little did I know that I would absolutely love it and continue on with it for years to come and even start our own business that has put us through school and support our family.

It has been an interesting past five years as we have grown and adapted to the current economy conditions and to the ever changing size of our family.  Through out all of it we have been able to maintain loyal clients (who really are just the same as family to us) and build something small that we take great pride in.  

As we approach this next year, we realized that we weren't going to be able to bum our kids off on friends all day while we went and played... worked in other's yards.  Having a baby in July kind of puts a stopper to most of that.  I have been stressing about how we were going to make it work.  I am incredibly picky with who I would  like to help us.  We have had luck getting a few people to help us out over the past few years, but our passion and work ethic doesn't usually translate through entirely.  How do you find someone that cares as much as you do, wants to work hard in all conditions, and doesn't need to get paid a ton of money?  Pretty much doesn't exist.  We've had a couple different options that we were considering as far as hiring different people, but none of them felt right and the closer the season got the more weighed down and worried I felt.  How was I going to work 8 and 9 months pregnant full time?

I sat down today and punched all the numbers and it entered my mind..."we don't have to hire anyone. We can handle it."  We have just enough work to keep James hopping and busy and I am still able to work part time to get us through the really busy beginning of summer time and it all will work out!  Immediately my anxiety left, I felt calm and confident that we could do this and it would work out all right.

The lesson learned today... Don't try to force things that don't feel right.  Keep calm and prayerful about the decisions that are needed to be made and strive to live correctly.  Things do fall into place and we will be led to make correct decisions.  I honestly believe that if we are keeping the commandments and covenants that we've made, live a charitable life and keep taking one day at a time doing the very best that we can do, we will be led to see many miracles in our lives and things will always fall into place somehow.

And he is not shy...

As I turned around to put ketchup and mustard on the kid's hotdogs at Costco, I fully expected them to sit at the table where I had left my purse.  They were very excited to get a Costco hot dog and drink and I didn't think anything would detour them from this goal.  As I finished up the last squirt of ketchup I heard a wave of chuckles from behind me.  As I turned hoping to see someone else kid doing something crazy... I realized that Annie was sitting quietly at the table I had told them to, but where was Hank?  Three tables over, and two up... there he sat with a nice lady in her 40's and her teenage son chatting away, completely oblivious to the fact that he was not at the correct table, not with his sister and did not have the faintest idea as to who these people were!  Apologetic, I rushed over and tried to persuade him to join us at our table.  He would not budge and insisted that he sit there and talk with these people.  They seemed very nice and told me to bring his hotdog over and they would keep him company while he joined them.  Keeping a watchful eye out for him, he returned 20 minutes later after eating most of his hotdog, a string cheese and most of his drink and telling the nice lady all about everything he knew.  She had given him a string cheese to give to Annie, but if fear of losing his new friends, he turned around and chucked it at her as to not lose his seat. 
This little boy is very much James' son.  I am not shy about talking with people, but do not make it a normal habit of becoming best friends with someone in very random circumstances.  This is very much a trait that James has and one that stood out right away in our lives together and one that made me see what a special person he is.  We'll see what kind of fun this gets us into when Hank's a little older and all the nice people we will meet.

I'm not alone!!!!!!!!

I know this happens with everyone right?  Life piles up on you and all of a sudden you are drowning in everything, and everything feels like you are failing, no good, hopeless... well maybe not that bad, but close...  It's times like that that I can look back and see that I was letting certain parts of my life go a little (or a lot) lax.  I still try to convince myself that I am doing my best, but continue to neglect the certain simple things that would bring me more happiness and not "aloneness."


“Gently Up the Stream” – © 2003 by Linda J Curley Christensen
I found that instead of keeping myself in check and making sure I was strengthening myself spiritually, I was judging and worrying more about what "others" weren't doing to strengthen themselves.  This picture was one that I found around a year ago and even though it is pretty cheesy it holds deep significance for me.  James and I are represented in this and even though we think that we should be paddling together in the same canoe (that uses our energy and strength more efficiently right?) we start depending too much on each other's strengths and letting our weaknesses go because the other picks up the slack.  I found that this is not incredibly healthy in a relationship or in life in general.  The two canoers have the same goal, head up stream towards the nice landscape, they are together, encouraging each other, working together.  Each is responsible for their own progress and cannot blame the other for falling behind because the minute they start doing that they themselves start to remove their focus on the goal and begin loosing their ability to strengthen weakness.
That being said... it is remarkable how when I make a sincere effort to read my scriptures (or at least something uplifting), pray fervently and specifically and focus on what I can do for others, than I all of a sudden am in my own canoe paddling consistently enjoying the scenery and being with my husband and not terrified that we are going over the waterfall to our doom.
I also know that when I have this switch in mentality I begin to see the tender mercies in my life even stronger and in more light.  For example:  (here comes the list of tender mercies that I've been putting off for some time now)
- Getting kidnapped and forced to go see a movie with a good friend because she wanted to make sure that I got out and was happy.
- Coming home to another friend who volunteered to come to my house to watch my kids so I could go grocery shopping and then coming home to her having cleaned my house (even started in on my bathrooms...eeck)
- The immense pain in my shoulder/chest that was supposed to be a blood clot or heart problem... was just gas.  (My diaghram was actually pushed all the way up to the middle of my chest with so much pressure.)
- My purse that was stolen from my car, was found behind my neighbor's garage.  Most everything intact.
- A friend dropped off a fresh loaf of bread that I had been craving.
- My visiting teachers came to see me!
- My oven that quit working... was a simple fix and we get to keep it!  (It was made in 1969 or 1972... I can't remember)
- We were able to get a new car that saves us on gas! and I love it.
- We are having a little girl!  Which means I get to have more fun with cute little frilly pinks.  (funny how things change... I never would have said that when Annie was born.  HAHAHAHA)
- Our tax refund paid off our credit cards from our "mishaps" from this past fall... whew.
- I have a renewed testimony of fervent praying, loving the death out of your husband no matter what his choices, and looking for opportunities to help others.
- I was able to make it all but the last week of reffing basketball prego.  Not bad for 22 weeks prego.  I only started t'ing up the coaches the last week of reffing for me.  :)

In short, life is good. I just got to keep on paddling my canoe and supporting and loving my hubby.  The blessings are there and I am not so alone!

Come on, Lets go!

"It's time! Let's go."  Two little girls, one a blonde, pail skin, and the other a dark, curly haired, dark skinned little girl swooped down under the pew at church, dodging the exiting masses and dashed out the door, hand in hand. "We get to go to class!  Hurry, hurry!," says the blonde little girl.  They run down the hall, hand in hand laughing and giggling bumping into the slower folk not quite as ambitious to get to their class.  Suddenly the little girl with dark curls hanging down her face began to cry.  "No, no not to class!," and put on the breaks.  The little blonde wraps her arms through her friends and says, "it'll be fun, let's go!"  Urging her along as she begins to weep, the two little girls reach the classroom, arm in arm.  The site of the rows of chairs was just too much, the little dark, curly haired girl began to cry full force.  The little blonde girl wraps her little arms around her friend and pulls her friend close to her, stroking her hair as her friend collapsed into her lap, wrapping her arms around her sobbing.  The little blonde lovingly and patiently rubs her friends back, smiling down at her friend as she comforts her.

As I watched my little Annie be such a good friend, leader, and example, I couldn't help but have a proud mama moment!  Just this morning she was in time out three times before we went to church for pushing her brother... but than there are the tender mercies such as these that give me hope that I am not ruining my kids and that truly they are the coolest kids around.

On the other side of the hall, James took Hank to nursery, cruising right by the other little kids begging not to have to go, and runs right in, not looking back.

I know the next one will probably give us more problems... (lets hope the trend stays strong though!) But I am  grateful that we have been trusted with such awesome kids in our family.