All you need is a little love.

I was driving home from reffing my basketball game this evening... Kind of ruffled up because I hate feeling like nobody likes me... and a little frustrated that with scholastic issues occurring in the life of my husband.  I was planning a huge speech in my head about "I told you so's" and "don't you care's" and "Come on's" which was just causing me to get more ruffled under the feathers and drive probably way too fast.  Upon arriving at my destination to pick up the kids I was ready to let off some steam.  (Wii boxing definitely helped)  but as I continued on my journey home, the thought landed and materialized in my brain and heart...  you really just need to love you husband.  I had tried soo hard all week long to use different methods of motivation, bribing, ragging, threatening, silent treatment, distraction... the list goes on.  The final result was me being frustrated and James coming home like a tank.  I knew that all my nagging all week long did not leave a pleasant spirit in our home but I was desperate.  So desperate that I was denying myself the ability to be led by the spirit and let my prayers be answered.  I now know that the only way I will be able to help him light his spark of motivation, passion, and brilliance will be to love him harder than ever before.  (And yes I am going to read the five love languages.  (I was recommended that I read this book years ago... but didn't... guess I finally have learned part of a lesson.))

So onwards and upwards...How do you all love harder and more?  Tender mercy for me tonight.  My prayer was answered...  James did not do well on his project (even though I prayed really hard for this.  Turns out I can't control this part the mercy)... but I found out how I can help him out.

Addictions

I have friends who give me a hard time that I would much rather save coins in a jar for garagesaling ( I swear it is a verb)  than for a day at the spa or a vacation...  But it is true.  I get such a rush from getting a good deal on something I could or could not need.  (However, I always argue that we will always need something or know of someone to need something... right?)  I have been going through withdrawals this past couple months and have been needing something to fill the frugality need in me.  My solution?  Blogs... more specific "do it yourself blogs."  I have all of a sudden resurrected the crafter that I attempted at being while I was in 4H oh so many years ago.  (I never really made it passed making a jewelry holder.)  I now am able to get a rush off of redecorating my house, giving gifts with out spending and use up some of the must have garage sale finds that have been storing up.  Annie was invited to a Birthday party the other day and I put to use my "fabric flower" making skills to throw together some headbands for her.  (hehe  I even made one for me!)  I built a shelf for my bathroom, painted two plant pots, made a blanket for Annie, recovered two lamps and am in the process of making covers for my pillows!!!  Mostly all from materials that I have either picked up really clearanced or from freecycle!  Wowsers! I even picked up a new area rug for our dining room that is in perfect shape and actually matches for free!!!  Next on the list to do... redo my laundry area.  Good luck!

Just some of the little tender mercies to help us get through the day!  Gotta love those addictions!

Upside down reading

I remember when I was younger we went to my uncle's house for dinner on a Sunday afternoon.  All of us kids were running around making terrors of ourselves chasing each other from one room to the other and then outside chasing the cows and the dogs and hiding in the hay bails.  At one point in time I ran by my uncles Jeep and happened to glance in.  I saw my cousin (maybe 5 or 6 at the time) sitting in there with the Book of Mormon open...(upside down) reading it.  She was so focused on reading it that she didn't notice us zooming around outside laughing and playing.  I remember thinking, "wow, should I be doing that?"  It passed and I ran away.  I have never forgot about my little cousin sitting in the Jeep reading when she could have been playing.  I have always felt that I wanted to one day see my kids voluntarily read the Book of Mormon or other scriptures because they wanted to.
Fast forward to last night.  It happened.  Annie came in with several books that she wanted to read while she fell asleep.  (This has been saving us from having crying fits at night.  She gets to choose two books to read and most often falls asleep before they are even done.)  As I went in to turn off the light last night I found the two books she chose of to the side and the Book of Mormon we had just finished reading as a family open at her side (upside down) and she was conked out.  I don't know if she finally got smart and realized that if she reads the Book of Mormon she will go to sleep faster...or that she sees us reading it and wanted to follow suite...  At any rate, I feel blessed to have such wonderful children and that puts so much more pressure on us to keep trying to do what is right to set the example for them.

Forget yourself

So I have been attempting to do an experiment that I picked up from the example of a friend a few years ago... It's called... serving to get friends... Well maybe that is not the good way to think about it or go about it but it always seemed to work for her and it is working for me I feel.

I have a friend that would bend over backwards for anyone. I didn't even realize that she considered me a friend until she gave me a baby shower and than did so many nice things for me over the course of having bad days and having babies and just needing someone to talk to. I must have been pretty blind because she had to work really hard for me to really see that she was working really hard to serve me. The difference is that I don't think she did it to gain a friend but that she really wanted to be like Christ and follow His example.

This past year I have decided that if I want to be happy and feel needed and wanted than I had better step it up and serve the people that I think need it and those that I would like to get to know better. I have been amazed at the friends that I have developed and grown to love. But, mostly I have been completely blown away at the fact that they want to serve me back. I am truly blessed to have so many good friends that care for my family and I.

Now don't get me wrong. It is not easy and although it seems I want to give give give...(or maybe it doesn't) it requires some sacrifice but I feel that I don't have as many problems or worries when I am thinking about what I can do for the next person. President Hinckley said,
"Forget yourself and get to work." I lived by that motto on my mission and I am remembering why I loved it so much then.

So if you get a call from me or I offer to help you out... please don't think I am trying to bribe your friendship... but that I truly want to make your life easier and be of any help that I can be. And if for some reason I don't call you up and ask to help you out... I want to still help you out, but I am just a little on the dense side sometimes and don't see what needs seen. Feel free to give me a punch in the shoulder and tell me what needs done!

The parable of the floating christmas tree

So this is an interesting story that I really don't know how or what to make of it... We decided to be entrepreneurial this week and drive around Bozeman and pick up Christmas trees. We have friends that have done it in the past and they were able to make pretty good money at it. So the four of us loaded up in the truck and headed out in search of the trees planted in people's snow hills that they so carefully placed to make it look like they have a real tree growing in their yard. (Surprisingly, lots of people do this.) It was almost like garage saling and almost got the same high of finding a pink or bright orange sign as I did finding these transplanted trees floating in the snow. Well the first little old lady that answered the door was so pleased that we had come to collect her tree until she heard that we wanted to also collect $5 to haul it away. She mysteriously turned into a very capable and willing person to manhandle her own tree into her car and haul it across town and rid herself of it herself. Kind of aggravated by the change in tone, I took her tree anyway. An empty trailer doesn't look good. Trees in the trailer would lead others to think that it is the cool thing to do. Everyone should send their tree with us. As we made the next few stops, I had some successful attempts at collecting the $5 dollars, but it was very awkward as they all were delighted at first to find that some good soul was taking pity on them and collecting their Christmas tree. However, more than not we left the house with the tree still transplanted in the snow bank. I was beginning to feel like this business venture was a complete waste of time. I decided to just take their tree even if they didn't want to pay for it. The next house a middle aged contractor type man answered the door ecstatic that we wanted to haul off his tree. I awkwardly stood there waiting for him to make the first move about how much it would cost to haul it off. Turns out he suggested that he "donate" money to the cause. HAHA! Perfect! I didn't have to charge him, he would just donate his hard earned money. And would you know it? He donated $10! This idea stuck for the rest of the afternoon. I no longer charged anyone and if they asked I told them donations would be accepted to the Poor Stewart family college fund. HAHA. I only got a couple of weird looks and only one person maybe me promise to donate some of the proceeds to scouting... The funny thing is that those that donated gave an average of $10. Those that didn't feel it needful to donate were still blessed with the absence of their floating tree. All in all we made way less than minimum wage today, but I think we may have brightened a few people's day and they to us also.
It just really goes to show that when we forget ourselves and serve others (even though we were accepting donations) we are blessed. I know that the Lord wants us to be happy. But, sometimes we just have to not do things how they make sense to us and do them how He would have us do them. We shall see how the rest of the week goes! And if anyone would like a trailer load of Christmas trees to transplant in your snow banks... you know who to call.

Walmart flowers and an email

I know it has been a while since I have posted something on this blog... I could blame it on organizing my house... not exactly true since progress has been made but more things have just been transferred and not organized. I don't mean to be ungrateful for the tender mercies that we receive daily and I don't mean to discount the many blessings that we receive. I think that I had fallen into a sort of mode on cruise control where I just go and forget to look and then wonder where has everything gone. Everyday has been a mixture of emotions for me lately andI feel that I am forcing myself to keep searching for the tender mercies.

But one thing that I have been strongly reminded of today is that our Father in Heaven has a very intricate plan for every one of us. It is so well crafted that he can individually bless us and help strengthen us through allowing us to serve and help others.

This is the truth I know... When we serve others we will not be left empty handed with the blessings that we need. It may be materially or spiritually but He will bless us when we forget ourselves and honestly ask Him in prayer who we can serve today and who needs a helping hand. It saddens me that when I know that families are going through hard times they shut their doors and close there hearts to the needs of others even when the others may not be in such terrible need. Perfect example of this is in the Bible of the widow and Elijah ( I believe... forgive me if I am wrong...) as she used the last of her cornmeal to feed him when she herself and her son were preparing to die from lack of food. It was a great sacrifice for her to make this decision, but she was blessed for her willingness to serve.

Likewise, my family has been so blessed for our willingness to give of our time, food, home, talents, service, or whatever else we have that would be of benefit to others. I think mostly what it is is that we are willing to do what is asked of us. I know that I have on several occasions these past few months been trying to forget my trials and worries by concentrating on what I can do for others and random thoughts have popped into my head of somebody who might need something randomly done for them.
Example: I have a friend who went through a very hard time and as I was preparing to go to bed late one Saturday night I felt that I needed to write her an email and let her know just how special she was and that she is not alone in the trial and that she was not being punished by any means, more that they are choice people and someone that their Father in Heaven could trust to handle such a trial. She later confided in me that she had been up late that night unable to sleep for the hurt she was going through and read my email right then....and it brought comfort.
Example: I have a friend who baked a yummy loaf of holiday bread...(I am not sure exactly what kind it was, but never the less it was gone within the day.) ...left it on our door step and with a note saying thank you for your friendship...Merry Christmas. That came right at a time when I really needed to know that I was noticed.
Example: I was shopping in Walmart and had been thinking about a friend I knew that was going through a hard time in her life. (preface to this... this friend is an example to me of a wonder woman. Not only is she talented in keeping a house tidy, she is crafty, hard working and a wonderful mother to her kids.) The thought came you need to take her some flowers. I thought, "that would be embarassing. She's probably fine." But what did I happen to stumble across but the flowers. I picked out the ones I thought she would like and hurried to the checkout before I could chicken out. As I drove home I kind of forgot that I was going over there and as I drove in my driveway the thought came, "You need to go over now." I thought... The kids are crying and diapers are soaked... I well later." Stronger, I felt... "Go now." As I knocked on her door, my heart was pumping hard and I was nervous for some reason. Who just brings flowers to a friend that she really doesn't know that well? She opened the door slowly and just looked. I handed her the flowers and told her I thought she could use them and she hugged me and thanked me with tears in her eyes and closed the door. I had no idea what she was going through or what was happening in her life. Weeks later I found out that almost at that moment I had knocked she was having a very difficult time and her Father in Heaven knew that and used one of His other daughters to try and help her remember of the love that He has for her.
Example: We have a miracle happening in the Stewart family this next week. All of the Stewart kids and family well be in the temple at the same time for a sister's sealing. (Not to mention all 25+ well be gathered together under one roof! That alone is a feat!) There have been trials in each one of the lives of the members of this family. Some hard, some devastating, some on going. But the one thing that I know that they all have in common which has lead them to this great blessing is that they have all worked very hard at serving one another and would take the shirt off of their backs for anyone... (well just about.) As this goal of all of us being in the temple gets closer I know that we will all be tried: in patience, love, and understanding. But, what will get us all through it is that we serve one another. That will be the constant to their success in overcoming the adversity that has worked for so hard for so many years to keep this one day from happening.
I really could go on for a quite a while longer about the affects of service and the change of perspective it gives to ones lowly state of being. I honestly believe that if we are truely willing to do the will of the Lord, we will be inspired to help the very people that need it the most. Most often that person becomes ourelves and we are eternally indebt.

Blinded by flat tires

As I sit here next to my snoozing husband on the living room floor to worked up to sleep and to tired to clean more, I decided to materialize my thoughts of the past couple weeks and these past couple days especially. It has been a subject that has surfaces multiple times in many different areas in my life... with various friends, facebook, church, work, etc. Each and every one of the situations is completly different but connected by this one question. Why does God let bad things happen to good people? This alone I have found is the main reason for atheism and a number one reason for anybody to feel like they are not loved by their Father in Heaven... me included. (Not that those feelings last but a lickety split second, but I am a person... natural man of sorts.) I have been wondering why I haven't been seeing many tender mercies or feeling very blessed these past few days. On Sunday I realized I was supposed to do a play group that I had signed up to do at least a month ago... Ten oclock on Sunday night after arriving home from visiting my parents a friend reminded me that I had... House was a disaster. I proceeded to stay up til 2:30 to clean that morning. Playgroup was fun, house was cleaner... and I still had time to go get some work done. As I pull out of the place where we buy our bark, I notice my tire with four distinct sides and flat as a board. Great, I thought. Just then a truck full of a father and son pulled up and they offered to help. But, I had no spare and I was going to have to buy a new tire which meant dropping my trailer and getting the tire and finally at 9pm that night we were able to head back out and put the tire back on and drag the trailer home. Oh and just after I got home the missionaries show up and they are ready to put their food in the fridge/lunch area we said the could have downstairs... which was still completely full of our storage and food storage. Three hungry babies were clinging to me crying for food and the missionaries wanted to clean up downstairs? ahhh! They moved things around and tidied up a bit. I thought, this is my good dead for the day... tomorrow should go better.
So today I wake up with a "this is going to be a productive day" feeling and then all of a sudden as we are working I get the phone call. The truck is broke down on the freeway and won't start. We are down to only this one truck for our business and depend entirely on it for all of our work abilities. If that truck goes we are in trouble. As we get the truck towed we discover he is going to charge us $100 for towing the trailer with the truck... Not going to happen. Can't afford that. James did some quick thinking and just down the road is his friend's car dealership. He asked a favor and all of a sudden we are loaded up in a new truck pulling our trailer home. On a good note also we were able to get to reffing volleyball and driving school bus and have the kids dropped off and it all worked out. Now after being up working all day James has a paper due tomorrow and cannot for the life of him keep his eyes open. I feel guilty because he is exhausted and is working hard so I highlight his reading assignment according to the different questions he has... I show it to him and he can muster a thanks and back to sleep it is. Which brings me to the past hour of me cleaning the house trying to get adrenaline out of my head to be able to sleep and I wonder... why is this so hard? I know exactly what the scriptures say, we are given trials so that we are made to remember Him and repent and be humble. But I thought I had been remembering Him and trying harder to be more like Christ. Obviously not because sitting here now writing this down I see that really when these past couple days have been "challenging" I have not been alone at all and in fact have been swarming in tender mercies. Starting with the friend that reminded me of the playgroup being at my house... imagine everyone showing up to play and I am not here and I my house is not enterable? The kind men that helped me take my tire off and attempted to fit the truck spare on. Being able to go home and play with my kids at the playground. Having a husband that works hard and can change a tire like a pro. The truck not blowing a motor or being totaled. Having kind people in our path to lend us a truck from there lot to save us a dollar. Having a whistle at the gym waiting ready for me once I realized I had forgotten mine. Having such loving and kind and considerate people that I can trust to watch my kids. Be able to have my husband study and finish his degrees. I had missed all these little tender mercies because I was focusing on the negative and was blinded. I don't really have a specific answer to why bad things happen to good people, but I know that good stuff never stops happening either to good people. You just have to choose what you are going to focus on and see. I might dive further into this with other stories but I am finally feeling grateful and would like to go to bed on that feeling!