As I sit here next to my snoozing husband on the living room floor to worked up to sleep and to tired to clean more, I decided to materialize my thoughts of the past couple weeks and these past couple days especially. It has been a subject that has surfaces multiple times in many different areas in my life... with various friends, facebook, church, work, etc. Each and every one of the situations is completly different but connected by this one question. Why does God let bad things happen to good people? This alone I have found is the main reason for atheism and a number one reason for anybody to feel like they are not loved by their Father in Heaven... me included. (Not that those feelings last but a lickety split second, but I am a person... natural man of sorts.) I have been wondering why I haven't been seeing many tender mercies or feeling very blessed these past few days. On Sunday I realized I was supposed to do a play group that I had signed up to do at least a month ago... Ten oclock on Sunday night after arriving home from visiting my parents a friend reminded me that I had... House was a disaster. I proceeded to stay up til 2:30 to clean that morning. Playgroup was fun, house was cleaner... and I still had time to go get some work done. As I pull out of the place where we buy our bark, I notice my tire with four distinct sides and flat as a board. Great, I thought. Just then a truck full of a father and son pulled up and they offered to help. But, I had no spare and I was going to have to buy a new tire which meant dropping my trailer and getting the tire and finally at 9pm that night we were able to head back out and put the tire back on and drag the trailer home. Oh and just after I got home the missionaries show up and they are ready to put their food in the fridge/lunch area we said the could have downstairs... which was still completely full of our storage and food storage. Three hungry babies were clinging to me crying for food and the missionaries wanted to clean up downstairs? ahhh! They moved things around and tidied up a bit. I thought, this is my good dead for the day... tomorrow should go better.
So today I wake up with a "this is going to be a productive day" feeling and then all of a sudden as we are working I get the phone call. The truck is broke down on the freeway and won't start. We are down to only this one truck for our business and depend entirely on it for all of our work abilities. If that truck goes we are in trouble. As we get the truck towed we discover he is going to charge us $100 for towing the trailer with the truck... Not going to happen. Can't afford that. James did some quick thinking and just down the road is his friend's car dealership. He asked a favor and all of a sudden we are loaded up in a new truck pulling our trailer home. On a good note also we were able to get to reffing volleyball and driving school bus and have the kids dropped off and it all worked out. Now after being up working all day James has a paper due tomorrow and cannot for the life of him keep his eyes open. I feel guilty because he is exhausted and is working hard so I highlight his reading assignment according to the different questions he has... I show it to him and he can muster a thanks and back to sleep it is. Which brings me to the past hour of me cleaning the house trying to get adrenaline out of my head to be able to sleep and I wonder... why is this so hard? I know exactly what the scriptures say, we are given trials so that we are made to remember Him and repent and be humble. But I thought I had been remembering Him and trying harder to be more like Christ. Obviously not because sitting here now writing this down I see that really when these past couple days have been "challenging" I have not been alone at all and in fact have been swarming in tender mercies. Starting with the friend that reminded me of the playgroup being at my house... imagine everyone showing up to play and I am not here and I my house is not enterable? The kind men that helped me take my tire off and attempted to fit the truck spare on. Being able to go home and play with my kids at the playground. Having a husband that works hard and can change a tire like a pro. The truck not blowing a motor or being totaled. Having kind people in our path to lend us a truck from there lot to save us a dollar. Having a whistle at the gym waiting ready for me once I realized I had forgotten mine. Having such loving and kind and considerate people that I can trust to watch my kids. Be able to have my husband study and finish his degrees. I had missed all these little tender mercies because I was focusing on the negative and was blinded. I don't really have a specific answer to why bad things happen to good people, but I know that good stuff never stops happening either to good people. You just have to choose what you are going to focus on and see. I might dive further into this with other stories but I am finally feeling grateful and would like to go to bed on that feeling!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
To teach or lose a phone?
So I was given the opportunity last week to actually get a teaching job teaching spanish. I was going to be able to use one of the degrees that I had earned and it was at a school that I really liked and was perfect for my schedule... and we could use the extra money... or so I thought. I was excited, honored I was even being considered and also wondering how in the world I was going to swing that on top of everything else I have going on. Turns out that weekend before I was to go in for the interview my little Annie reminded me of why she needs me at home. The two's hit hard. Hank reminded me of why he needs me at home. He doesn't like a bottle. I kept justifying... the money, honor, the degree being used, touch other kids lives... Back and forth. James said, "do whatever you'd like to do." I prayed all weekend that I would make the best decision I could for my family. I ended up waking up on Monday morning and cancelling my interview and a feeling of peace came over me. The thought, Good, better, best, came to mind. I had chosen the best option even though it would have been good to teach and help out, the best option was to be there for my family. I had a reassuring feeling that everything would work out just fine. And would you know it the Lord gave me another little tender mercy. The next day I went to the mail and opened a letter from the hospital. It was a check for almost $3000. Wowsers!! I double checked with the hospital and with insurance and what I thought we had paid on Hank was now being covered by the insurance. I probably would have gotten the check had I taken the job, but this one is going in the book as a tender mercy and a fulfullment of the promise that when we are obedient to His commands we will be blessed.
Then this past weekend I had an experience similar to that of Joseph Smith... not to be compared at all the least with him. His story goes that he and emma were in a little tiff or something and he was trying to translate the book of mormon. (I imagine this would require alot of peace and serenity and lots of guidance from the spirit.) He says he wasn't able to translate it feeling how he did because the feelings he had were not allowing the spirit to be present while he translated it. He went down and made amends with Emma and then returned to work on translating and now not being overcome with worries of worldly matters he was able to be led by the spirit to translate it... ok I may have just butchered that story but you have the picture I hope. So as we were getting loaded to travel back home to Bozeman from Idaho this past weekend I realized I did not have my phone. (Crucial part to my life right now. I can't be without it.) It was already after five and we had a six hour drive home. I was frustrated with not being able to leave earlier, tired and it had been a good, but long weekend. We tore the house apart several times, the car apart several times and rethought where I had been all day. I was getting frustrated, snappy, and growing an attitude. What had I done to deserve this? I informed my husband I was being punished. Everyone kept asking me, Aren't you praying to find it? yes of course I am I was saying. I finally went and sat in my car and gathered myself and asked for forgiveness for getting so impatient and snappy. There was no way I was going to get an answer if I continued to feel like this. After settling down, I again offered a little prayer that I would know where to find my phone. And would you believe it the thought came into my mind. Just be patient, you will find your phone. Just pack up and head out of town. Okie dokie I thought. This must be where faith comes in. We packed up and headed out of town. We ran by the church where I was pretty sure I looked and didn't have my phone than but what the heck? It had to be somewhere. I searched the parking lot, the church and still nothing. Need I mention that we had tried several times calling it and usually it went right to voice mail. James in the car had tried to call it once more and would you believe it someone answered the phone. And even more so would you believe that the person that answered the phone was a neighbor lady that lived right next to the church. Her husband had just happened to walk outside when he saw two kids tossing a phone back and forth to each other. He knew the kids wouldn't have a phone of their own so he called them over, took the phone from them and gave it to his wife to figure out whose it was and then it rang and James saw her behind him across the fence talking on my phone to him. We were able to cross the parking lot and pick up my phone from her. If that isn't a tender mercy I don't know what is. I didn't get a specific answer to my prayer as to where I would find my phone, but that I needed to have faith and move forward and I would be led to my answer. I had to delete all feelings of negativity and frustration out of my head before I could even recognize that that was my answer to my prayers. But what patience my Father in Heaven has for me of which I am so thankful for.
Then this past weekend I had an experience similar to that of Joseph Smith... not to be compared at all the least with him. His story goes that he and emma were in a little tiff or something and he was trying to translate the book of mormon. (I imagine this would require alot of peace and serenity and lots of guidance from the spirit.) He says he wasn't able to translate it feeling how he did because the feelings he had were not allowing the spirit to be present while he translated it. He went down and made amends with Emma and then returned to work on translating and now not being overcome with worries of worldly matters he was able to be led by the spirit to translate it... ok I may have just butchered that story but you have the picture I hope. So as we were getting loaded to travel back home to Bozeman from Idaho this past weekend I realized I did not have my phone. (Crucial part to my life right now. I can't be without it.) It was already after five and we had a six hour drive home. I was frustrated with not being able to leave earlier, tired and it had been a good, but long weekend. We tore the house apart several times, the car apart several times and rethought where I had been all day. I was getting frustrated, snappy, and growing an attitude. What had I done to deserve this? I informed my husband I was being punished. Everyone kept asking me, Aren't you praying to find it? yes of course I am I was saying. I finally went and sat in my car and gathered myself and asked for forgiveness for getting so impatient and snappy. There was no way I was going to get an answer if I continued to feel like this. After settling down, I again offered a little prayer that I would know where to find my phone. And would you believe it the thought came into my mind. Just be patient, you will find your phone. Just pack up and head out of town. Okie dokie I thought. This must be where faith comes in. We packed up and headed out of town. We ran by the church where I was pretty sure I looked and didn't have my phone than but what the heck? It had to be somewhere. I searched the parking lot, the church and still nothing. Need I mention that we had tried several times calling it and usually it went right to voice mail. James in the car had tried to call it once more and would you believe it someone answered the phone. And even more so would you believe that the person that answered the phone was a neighbor lady that lived right next to the church. Her husband had just happened to walk outside when he saw two kids tossing a phone back and forth to each other. He knew the kids wouldn't have a phone of their own so he called them over, took the phone from them and gave it to his wife to figure out whose it was and then it rang and James saw her behind him across the fence talking on my phone to him. We were able to cross the parking lot and pick up my phone from her. If that isn't a tender mercy I don't know what is. I didn't get a specific answer to my prayer as to where I would find my phone, but that I needed to have faith and move forward and I would be led to my answer. I had to delete all feelings of negativity and frustration out of my head before I could even recognize that that was my answer to my prayers. But what patience my Father in Heaven has for me of which I am so thankful for.
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