Imagine seeing a package in the mail from your boyfriend.... who you didn't really break it off with before you left but left it kind of open ended... sitting in the mail just two weeks in to your time as a missionary at the MTC. I received such package. I ripped it open hoping for candy or a little note or stickers or gum. I did not expect a ring.
The memories from a life time of three weeks before all came flooding back. James took me to the temple in Billings and then made a short stop at the LDS Bookstore just down the road. He said it was to just look around. Upon entering the store he walked directly over to the rings and asked me to choose a ring. Ha! I was hesitant. What did that mean. I played along with him and told him I did not want a cliche CTR ring but would choose something better. The sego lily ring. It was beautiful, bold and I had never seen anyone else where it! The caption under the ring read, "Just as the Sego Lily sustains life, sisters in Zion sustain life in their homes. They reflect purity, beauty, patience and strength." That was everything that I wanted to reflect and become. That ring was to be mine.
Fast forward to me standing in the MTC post office holding my ring. I had entirely forgotten that they did not have my size and that they were going to ship it to me in the MTC. Pangs of wanting to run home flooded through me. I missed James. I knew it was a good choice to be on my mission, but I didn't have the conviction that I shouldn't be at home marrying him either.
I knew that I had to be committed entirely one way or the other and that I would not be successful either way if I was always wishing I was somewhere else. The next day we were to go to the temple. I knew that this decision to stay or go home was a big one and that I needed to receive some serious answers. I began my fast immediately with faith that through fasting I would receive the answer that I needed to be able to fully commit either way.
As I sat in the temple, feeling very much at peace, deep in thought and prayer, I held my missionary plack in one hand and the ring in the other hand. Both good choices. Which was better? Then as I closed my eyes I remember hearing the words, "Have courage." A flood of peace came over me, almost tingly and light but penetrating. Have courage to follow the answer I knew I had already received while preparing to serve a mission earlier that summer. The scripture came to mind in Doctrine and Covenants 6.
22Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might aknow concerning the truth of these things.
23 Did I not speak apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater bwitness can you have than from God?
I had already received my answer previously. I needed to remember to have courage to continue forward with faith that that was my answer and that I was to be a missionary at that time. I am grateful that I know with a surety that when I have problems, questions, seek peace and strength, I can turn to my Father in Heaven and He will answer my prayers and bless me with comfort and understanding.
Through out the rest of my mission, courage became a theme. Whenever I felt lost, scared, desperate, sad, worthless, weak, etc I would look back to that afternoon in the temple and remember, "Have courage."
Little did I know that as I came home and returned to my James, married him for all eternity and began a family how much courage I would need. I know that as I prayerfully make decisions and fast about those decisions, I will be led to what my family needs and that we will be protected and provided for. I will be blessed with the courage to be obedient, step out of my comfort zone and make a mark on this world.
Que hermosa historia.
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