The Keeper of the Gate: Grandpa Jim

I would like to write about my Grandpa Jim.  I think of him often.  I remember how he smelt and how his whistling sounded in the morning while he drank his coffee listening to the radio.  I remember the toothpick he would keep in his mouth and move back and forth from one side to the other.  I remember loving mules because he loved them and laughing at his "mule farts smell like roses jokes."  I remember sitting around a campfire in the dark listening to him strum his guitar and sing.  I loved listening to him sing.  I could listen for hours on end.  I remember one time he sang "Amanda, light of my life..." Then there were the times we would go to the rodeos with him and I would think that none of those guys out there on the bulls or horses could hold a candle to my Grandpa.  I remember when he gave my Grandma jewelry that he made her from old Indian beads.  He always made sure to attend my basketball games and always had a smart remark about how I don't have a beat when dancing.  I remember listening to he and my grandma playing at the Elks.  We loved going to listen and dance with all the other old timers.  I couldn't keep a beat then either, but we loved flirting with the old men!  I remember watching my Grandpa's hands tap to the rhythm of the music as he listened to it and the way his voice would crack as he yodeled. I remember how his lips would curl around a corn cob.  I remember when my grandpa came to our house to bury our dog after he was run over on the road and the tears in his eyes as he left.  I remember my Grandpa riding up our driveway on his mule Billy Jo to take me on my first ride on my mare Tweet.  I remember interviewing him about his life on several occasions.  The one thing that has never left me from those conversations are his words, "Work hard enough it will be impossible for them to want to fire you.  You will always have work." I remember watching the twinkle in his eye when he had guests over and was able to entertain them. I remember getting the phone call that he had been in an accident.  I remember gathering with my family in the music room listening to him sing and play his guitar knowing that it would be the last time in this life that I would be able to dance to his songs.  I remember getting the call that we needed to come home now.  I remember walking in his house with all of our family around us and bending down in front of his face so he could see me.  For a brief second I know he recognized me with a small twinkle in his eye.  I remember my family gathered around his bed as he slipped away to heaven.  I did not have sorrow from his death, maybe from anticipation of missing him, but not because his mortal life had come to a close.  I remember listening to the "Keeper of the Gate" being sung by him at his funeral and knowing that our family will be an eternal family one day.  My Grandpa was an amazing man and an admirable example of what hard work will earn you.

I received a ring in the MTC...

Receiving mail as a missionary is one of the highlights of serving a mission!  Especially when you have only been out for a couple weeks or months.  The pangs of homesickness are still very raw and the realization of what being a true missionary is is still almost an imagination as you have still not really been able to be entirely become lost in the lives of your investigators and converts. 

Imagine seeing a package in the mail from your boyfriend.... who you didn't really break it off with before you left but left it kind of open ended... sitting in the mail just two weeks in to your time as a missionary at the MTC.  I received such package.  I ripped it open hoping for candy or a little note or stickers or gum.  I did not expect a ring.

The memories from a life time of three weeks before all came flooding back.  James took me to the temple in Billings and then made a short stop at the LDS Bookstore just down the road.  He said it was to just look around.  Upon entering the store he walked directly over to the rings and asked me to choose a ring.  Ha! I was hesitant.  What did that mean.  I played along with him and told him I did not want a cliche CTR ring but would choose something better.  The sego lily ring.  It was beautiful, bold and I had never seen anyone else where it!  The caption under the ring read, "Just as the Sego Lily sustains life, sisters in Zion sustain life in their homes.  They reflect purity, beauty, patience and strength."  That was everything that I wanted to reflect and become.  That ring was to be mine.

Fast forward to me standing in the MTC post office holding my ring.  I had entirely forgotten that they did not have my size and that they were going to ship it to me in the MTC.  Pangs of wanting to run home flooded through me.  I missed James.  I knew it was a good choice to be on my mission, but I didn't have the conviction that I shouldn't be at home marrying him either.

I knew that I had to be committed entirely one way or the other and that I would not be successful either way if I was always wishing I was somewhere else.  The next day we were to go to the temple.  I knew that this decision to stay or go home was a big one and that I needed to receive some serious answers.  I began my fast immediately with faith that through fasting I would receive the answer that I needed to be able to fully commit either way.  

As I sat in the temple, feeling very much at peace, deep in thought and prayer, I held my missionary plack in one hand and the ring in the other hand.  Both good choices.  Which was better?  Then as I closed my eyes I remember hearing the words, "Have courage."  A flood of peace came over me, almost tingly and light but penetrating.  Have courage to follow the answer I knew I had already received while preparing to serve a mission earlier that summer.  The scripture came to mind in Doctrine and Covenants 6.

22Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might ^aknow concerning the truth of these things.

 23 Did I not speak ^apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater ^bwitness can you have than from God?

I had already received my answer previously.  I needed to remember to have courage to continue forward with faith that that was my answer and that I was to be a missionary at that time.  I am grateful that I know with a surety that when I have problems, questions, seek peace and strength, I can turn to my Father in Heaven and He will answer my prayers and bless me with comfort and understanding.

Through out the rest of my mission, courage became a theme.  Whenever I felt lost, scared, desperate, sad, worthless, weak, etc I would look back to that afternoon in the temple and remember, "Have courage."

Little did I know that as I came home and returned to my James, married  him for all eternity and began a family how much courage I would need.  I know that as I prayerfully make decisions and fast about those decisions, I will be led to what my family needs and that we will be protected and provided for.  I will be blessed with the courage to be obedient, step out of my comfort zone and make a mark on this world.